Jessica, Patty, and Lila are looking at the slam board. It has a picture of Chrome Dome with what looks like a napkin on his bald spot with his eyes bugged out and pointing at the camera. Jessica reads: Not only am I the president of the hair club for men, I'm also its biggest failure. They laugh at it and Lila says its one of "Winston's best jokes." I don't know by today's standards a joke comparing him to Howie Mandell of Deal or No Deal would have been so much better. Then Enid walks with Dakota Dancer (what the hell kind of name is that.) Jessica, of course, is the first one to notice. She comments that she loves the brooding artist type. So first film students now artist. Jessica would fit in at University of the Arts except there is no major there for her type but she could always hang out on campus with the smokers until she finds a hot painting student (BTW: This is my school so I can make fun of it and I'm being sarcastic, she would never fit in.) They bash Enid like the stuck up HS girls they are. Enid says "Hi" to them. I can see the context in that "Hi" being "I'm with a hot guy and your just standing there looking stupid. Who's the best?" They continue to bash Enid until Jessica says Dakota could do so much better. Lila's like who do you have in mind? Jess does a cheer: "give me a 'J', give me an 'E'. Patty: Give me a break. I'm with you, Patty. Lila reminds Jessica that the painting has to be finished for the art show on Friday. So there's no way she can get Dakota to choose her over Enid...well Lila doesn't know Jessica Wakefield.
Here we have Todd and Liz kissing in the hallway. I could have sworn PDA was banned in schools...not in Sweet Valley. Liz tells Todd to stop. Why? Because Winston took a picture of them kissing just now.
Winston: And the copies will go on sale in the student store.
I wish my school store sold pictures of people kissing in the hallways. I would be the first person with a camera capturing the moments for profit. Todd tells Winston to "chill with the pictures." Ah the '90's, chill was a good word. Winston says you'll be begging me to take more once you see who made it to the slam (graffiti) wall.
Manny and Bruce are laughing at the pic of Cooper on the slam wall. Manny pits glasses on because the glare on his head is so bright. Like I said about bald men: Bald Headed: So Bald, it Shines. Chrome Dome is behind Manny and the classic comedy "he's behind me isn't he?" is said. Cooper gets all pissed off and takes the picture off the wall. Winston sees it and is like, "Hey, you can't do that!" Umm, yes he can he's the principal, DUH! Cooper claims its a personal attack, which I think it is. Todd thinks its censorship but that would be the same as flaming on the message boards. Liz is like we have freedom of expression. But Liz making fun of the principal in a place with rules is considered illegal. GOSH! Who put up that wall anyway? All it has is personal attacks on people. Like a girl with messed up hair and it says Oh, my hair. Wait I'm not ready? And the wall should be taken down because of lame jokes like that. But I degress. So they are moaning about how Cooper can't do that and Liz says "not if I can help it." Uh, oh. Liz is going to save the world.
Dakota is doing art with rock music playing. Corny rock a that. Here are the lyrics:
Look inside my crystal ball,
And I will look inside your mind,
Walk beyond the door that leads to space and time,
W. T. F.
Anyway, Jessica walks in and leans against the door with her no rack sticking out. She gets annoyed that he's not embracing the sexiness that is Jessica and she turns off the radio. She posed for him and he doesn't notice the hotness that is Ms. Wakefield. So she clears her throat and he's like "WHAT!" Jessica is like "I heard your looking for a new model." Dakota replies coldly, "Position's filled." Then she tries to butter him up by saying, "I want to see you in action. Creative men are so...creative." I could think of better words, dumb bitch. It seems that he has given in to her and asks if she really wants to work with him. And she's like "more than you can possibly imagine." So are they going to do it. Is she going to get the position? Nope, he gives her dirty paintbrushes and tells her to clean them. She's like "EW!" HA! Not everybody can embrace your beauty. Enid comes in and he's obviously way more interested in her than Jessica. Enid is embracing the artwork but it turns out to be a color test. Enid: I knew that. I guess we all don't take art classes. Jessica closes the door on purpose because she's like that. Enid notices Jessica and asks what she is doing there. She brags that she Dakota's new personal assistant. And Enid is like, "Oh." Dakota tells Enid that she should be at the beach at noon and should dress comfortable. Will Jessica hatch up a plan in time? Of course, she's Jessica.
Enid's at the Moon Beach Cafe (its not Dari Burgers as I recently found out.) Jessica comes in and says she has a warning for Enid about Dakota. Enid calls Jessica out for being jealous. Jessica says, okay but don't say I didn't warn you. And like that Enid believes Jessica and follows her out of the Cafe. Jessica tells her that he plans on painting Enid nude. Au Natural. Enid goes to tell Dakota off but Jessica tells her that she will instead. I could see right through Jessica. She is known for her schemes. But Enid forgot about the tape trade and Jess posing as Liz to get almost raped by a college frat boy. Jess drives off with success written all over her face.
An issue of the Oracle comes out with this headline: Save the Graffiti Wall--Cooper, No Principles! My HS principal would have kicked my ass if I wrote an article with that Headline. Which is exactly what he does to Liz...verbally. Liz defends herself by saying she's standing up for students rights. But how can you stand up to flaming the faculty and students. OY! And she brings up censorship again. Its an institution, they can make up their own rules. High school isn't suppose to be free, thats why we have school uniforms. I learned that the hard way.
At the beach, Jessica tells Dakota that Enid flaked and she takes off her dress to reveal a Leopard bikini. Then a montage with corny music comes on about Jessica posing for Dakota. She is poking her lips out as she is doing it, like a hoe. She finally lays on the ground and Dakota tells her to hold it at that pose. Jessica gives him a "whatever" look. Hey, HE'S the artist. He wants her to pose in a certain way and if she doesn't like it, then get Enid to come back. But that won't be Jessica of her. She hates the pose and asks if he's sure he doesn't want it another way. Bitch.
Bruce is in the empty hallway of SVH and he opens his locker door and poses like the egotistical asshole he is. Winston takes a picture and Bruce says "Pray I don't catch you egg wad!" And once again he chases Winston down the hallway to kick his ass.
Dakota is done and Jessica wants to see the painting but Dakota says "you'll see it tomorrow at the unveiling." Jessica has that, "wait, I must see it" look on her face.
Liz, Jess, Patty and Lila are at the mall. Liz is bitching about the issue with Cooper and Jessica says the whole world doesn't revolve around the Oracle. THANK YOU!!! But she also says people have lives other than school. Why is Liz hanging out with Jess and her friends, anyway? Jess asks if anybody is going to the art opening? Lila is like Enid is so psyched. Jessica basically says that Enid is out of the picture but doesn't say why. And she gushes that Dakota saw what he wanted. Liz is horrified. Patty and Lila want to know how it was. Jess' words and I quote: "Put it this way. Dakota, me, coconut oil, the beach. Let's just say the waves were crashing. Pay attention, this will come back to haunt her later.
The painting reveal. Liz says in 3 weeks the whole country will see Jessica's face. Todd says: Your's too in a way" and kisses her. Smooth move, Todd. Now Liz thinks he's hot for your sister. But they don't argue but the look on Liz's face says it all. Patty wonders where Enid is. Liz says she left her a weird message on her phone saying to boycott anything Dakota does. Jessica brags how the whole room is here to see her but Lila tries to bring her back to reality by saying their here for Dakota. But Jessica won't come down from cloud 9 and has a speech prepared for such an occasion. Winston takes Jess' picture and she is on cloud 20.
Copper speaks...blah blah blah. Dakota talks about how Jessica gave it her all for this painting. Jessica says: "Thank you, Dakota. You captured a side of me that a few people have ever seen." Boy does this come back to bite her ass because when Dakota reveals the painting to a shocked audience. Liz: She's naked! Bruce and Manny clap and say "bravo." Everybody acts like they have never seen a naked bod before.
At the Moon Beach, everybody is talking about the painting. Bruce may start collecting art if it means seeing nude people. Its called Playboy, Bruce. Lila, Patty, and Enid gossip about Jessica claiming that she would do anything for attention and that she has no shame. Check! Jessica enters and everybody starts whistling and clapping. Jessica is embarrassed. One boy says that he wants to go out with her and he has finger-paints. Jessica tries to defend herself but everything she said in the first act about doing anything to pose for Dakota comes back to haunt her...deservingly too. She runs out of the cafe and Liz (who I forgot to mention was there with Todd but they didn't have anything important to say at all) follows her. Liz finds Jessica crying in her jeep. Jessica tries to tell Liz that she didn't pose nude but Liz wouldn't believe her because of what she told Enid. Jess is upset about it and tells Liz she has to believe her because she's her sister and she needs her. They hug. AWWWWW!!!! Liz explains that 50 creeps have called her asking both of them to go out, Liz because she looks exactly like her and boys think that she would dump Todd to pose nude for them. Don't they know that bookworm Liz won't pose nude for anyone, even Todd. Liz comes up with an idea to trap Dakota.
Dakota is working on a painting as Liz comes in and asks if she's going to be nude too. Liz claims that he exploits teenage girls by painting them nude. Like a true artiste, Dakota defends himself by saying he was capturing the spirit and beauty of the human form. I shall side with him because I go to art school and they paint people nude all the time. Liz realizes that she was wearing the bathing suit. Liz yells at him about Jessica reputation and he says that he's an artist not a model. Good job, Dakota. Ruin that bitches reputation!
Then we hear the last few lines over again on a tape recorder. Everybody reacts to it by saying how much of a jerk he is because he ruined Jessica's precious reputation which is oh so important in the world of high school and Todd wants to kill him. I sense a Todd punch coming. Lila wants everybody to apologize to Jessica. When Enid asks why didn't Lila apologize to Jessica she says that she always believed Jessica. She didn't say that when everybody was making fun of her, traitor. But Jess is happy that everybody apologized to her. Winston gives her the pictures he took of her nude painting and struggles to give her the negatives. I would call him a creep but wouldn't it been great if he sold them at the school store. I mean that would have been deliciously wonderful. Anyway, there is one problem, the nude Jessica painting is still there. Jess has an idea.
She meets up with Dakota with a picnic basket at the art show where he is setting up. Jess convinces him to go to the beach to celebrate the painting with her Jessica charm. At the beach, they are just finished eating when they decide to go swimming. Dakota didn't bring a suit but Jessica wants to skinny dip. WHOO!!! So Jessica goes to undress but she has to go and get some towels from her car. So Dakota strips down to his...socks. And Jessica and the others look at him as he is buck sock naked. Winston takes pictures and probably plans on selling them at the school store. Dakota grabs his boots and covers his package. We see a shoot of his boots at his crotch area, remember this was on syndication. Dakota wants he camera and Winston and the others play hot potato. Jess gives him an ultimatum either cut the painting from the show or the whole school will see him in the buff. Dakota says no and Liz says, its your call.
So they come up with a compromise, DAMN! I wanted to see some juicy pictures. Anyway, Dakota puts Jess' baiting suit into the painting. The painting looks like an animation more that a real painting. And it doesn't look like Jessica at all. Its that bad. Todd says she looks beautiful. What is with Todd this episode, he complements Jessica more than Liz. Winston prefers the original but Todd makes him say that the painting is nice. Jessica has something to take care of an bails them. Liz sees Chrome Dome and apologizes to him about the article. Cooper says that she is right and that he overreacted. WHAT? That was flaming. And he put the picture back up there on the wall. At least put a better comment to the photo. Jeeze! Jessica gives the negatives to Dakota but it turns out she gave him the wrong negatives and she keeps them in case he changes back the painting. Jess and Liz have a good laugh and everything is peachy!