So Liz and Jessica are walking down the hallway of SVH. Liz suggests to Jess that she should have a better taste in guys. She gushes about how Todd is so dependable, trustworthy and loyal. I wish i had a dog like that. Jessica comments that he's more like a boy scout than a boyfriend. Score one for Jessica. Just then they see a one shot teacher named Mr. Collins (or maybe he's from the book series, somebody clarify me) putting a poster up. "What's the scoop, Mr. Collins?" Liz says...now I know he's not a one shot character I believe he's the head of the Oracle Newspaper but they don't mention it its implied by me. So Collins says there some new technology (that I should be able to understand as a college film student but I don't since we do online tv shows) and they are able to broadcast a new news program. "Cool" Liz says. "Lame" Jessica says. Liz has this light in her eyes and gushes how its such a great opportunity and runs off to sign up for it. Jess stays behind and sees a hot older guy walking down the hallway carrying a tripod and the "Jessica Seduction Theme" (bum bum, buuummmm, bum...) plays. Jess follows him into the room.
Guy: Can I help you?
Jessica: You already have.
What was the rating of this TV show again? PG? And they got away with the sexual innuendo. Wow! I guess syndication is off the radar. Look at Baywatch, nuff said.
We find out the guys name is Russ. He's the video consultant for the news show. Jessica introduces her self as "Sweet Valley's Next News Anchor."
Jessica: Mind of I check out some of your...equipment?
Jess sure is fickle. One minute she thinks the idea of a news show is lame the next she is throwing herself over the Video Consultant. I guess a hot guy with his hair constantly in his face carrying a tripod. And when he goes to the other side of her he is uncomfortably close to her and she likes it.
Kids, can you say jailbate?
The worst part is that Liz looks on with a huge grin in her face. I would have been rolling my eyes since this is going to turn out to be another Jessica Scheme.
We find out that Russ goes to college and says "creative minds turn me on." Score one for the art school kids. I like Jessica, even if her flirting is an excuse to do what she wants to do. But I can't help but be sicken by the constant jailbateness of this scene...but as I recall the previous episode has her pretending to be Liz so she could go to a frat party and nearly gets raped by the guy, she could have at least learned her lesson about dealing with college guys. Then Russ removes her books from her arms and reveals a huge rack of Jessica. Its funny how he tries to keep his attention at Jessica but you know he wants to look at the rack. He gives her his equipment (no, not that equipment) and tells her she can keep it as long as she wants to. Jessica: Let me know if there's anything I can do for you. Isn't there a law where you can't flirt with the students...not in Sweet Valley is guess.
Enid, Liz, Patty, and Lila sitting together at lunch? It happened! Patty says she wants to be the director since she choreographed the cheers in the cheerleading squad. Um, Patty dear, directing a tv news show and choreographing little cheers are two different things. Jessica comes to the table and says she's going to be the next Bar Bar Wa Wa (Barbara Walters.) Liz tries to get her off of cloud nine and says that its Journalism and that she has to research and write news stories but Jessica says its a small price to pay for being on the TV's of every classroom. If she gets the job I want to know who let her on air since her grades are defiantly not that good.
Cut to Winston, Manny, and Bruce. Bruce calls him Winston. Winston gets suspicious because Bruce calls him Winston and not Egghead, Egg-breath, Eggbeater, Eggnog, Egg-brain. Manny comes up with a new one, Egg-salad. Bruce saying that this whole high school teasing is getting out of hand and he takes his lunch tray...and offers him to sit down. Winston does so. Bruce offers to call a truce and Winston hesitates before finally shaking his hand. Manny laughs. A hot girl walks by and Bruce tells Winston that she has a thing for him and to follow her. He goes to get up but is stuck to the lunch table. Who didn't see that coming? Turns out Bruce glued him to the table with Elmer's glue. PUH-LEEZE! Elmer's Glue doesn't stick anything stronger than construction paper. LAME! Manny calls Winston, Eggplant and they leave. Principal Cooper walks pass and tells Winston to stop horse playing and go to class. He can't. If Winston were a certain Degrassi character (or even Crazy Margo) he could have brought a gun to school by now and shot Bruce by now.
Liz is in the Oracle office putting finishing touches on her research for her audition tape. Some random guy in a suit comes in and asks what she is doing... I already explained it.
So Winston goes crazy and gives Bruce a flat tire. But Manny and Bruce walk out and Winston bails. Bruce talks about how he wants to be the editorial guy to give his opinions to the simpletons of SVH. Like what? Nearly raping girls. I can imagine. He's bringing in the best director money can buy for his audition tape, spoiled bastard. He pulls off and it turns out Winston was under the car. He's covered in oil, well he brought that on to himself. Just like the glue thing for trusting Bruce. That's why I stayed away from the bastards in high school except if they were playing volleyball in my gym class, that was hell. Can you imagine Bruce and Winston playing volleyball? Bruce one upping himself like always and Winston trying to do something and failing at it. Its typical high school, bullcrap is what it is.
Cut to a montage of the students doing their audition tapes. Liz is doing a great job like a regular Katie Courtic. All Patty has to do is say action take (insert # here) and cut. No director only does those two things so she's probably assistant director. Jessica and Lila are doing horrible. Jessica turns the news papers upside down and Lila throws a diva fit. Bruce says something about having more babes than anybody. His director calls it a directors dream. Patty rolls her eyes. Todd, making his first appearance in the episode, sits in a chair too low for him. The Oracle On Air sign falls behind Jessica. So easily Liz is a shoe in for the position. Not if Jess can help it. She switches the tapes! All so she can get some Russ nookie!
Speaking of Russ, him and the random guy Liz was talking to earlier are watching Bruce's tape. Russ calls him a pompous scumbag. OUCH! GOOD ONE!!! Russ puts in Jessica's tape labeled Liz's and its awful. The random guy was counting on her. So they put in Liz's tape labeled Jess's tape and its good! I can clearly tell Jess and Liz apart so why on earth do they confuse them. Jess is more seductive looking while Liz is innocent looking. Jessica's schemes win this time. At least until the end of the episode. Lila gets fashion report and Bruce gets editorial. Liz and Winston get nothing! Liz is upset. The random guy tells Liz to join the crew cuz her tape wasn't good enough. She looks like she wants to cry.
Liz still looks like she wants to cry at the teen hangout. Its that upsetting. I wasn't that upset when I lost secretary of student council to the popular jock. Todd comes in they kiss (awww) Patty in the background is having a director power trip. I don't act like that as director but this is a TV show. Liz thinks the name of the show should be changed from Oracle on Air to Airheads on Air she adds like present company excluded. Riiight. Jailbate Wakefield and Russ come in and Rus comes in. They are dating. Jess plugs herself and leaves. Liz hates Jessica and feels a murder coming on and she and Todd leaves. WOAH, Liz! Jealousy blinded the fact that your sister has totally schemed to get the job. Well its too early to find out about it. Lila comes in and attempts to flirt with Russ. Jess tells her she has a shiny nose she leaves and then the Jailbate and her guy leaves.
Bruce comes in to the teen hangout (Dari Burger?) Winston sees his chance to get back at Bruce for the lame glue thing and bails on the ego director Patty. He is in the dumpster (even I wouldn't stoop that low) and goes to throw garbage into his convertible. A guy on a motorcycle foils his plan so he ducks into the dumpster. Bruce comes out after the fastest drink in the history of drinking. Get's into his car and leaves. Crone Dome drives in (why the HELL would he be going to a teen hangout anyway?) He's also in a convertible Winston throws the trash into sky in slow motion and lands on Crone Domes...uh...Dome. Winston makes the biggest mistake by saying "Principal Cooper" and comes out of the dumpster. He tries to bail out of it but Cooper isn't having it he tels him to stay in the dumpster (Winston...down, now!) Winston is once again defeated. Even I wasn't this desperate to get back at my teasers.
Jess wakes Liz up and asks her to do her news report for her since she was out until 3am with Russ. I wonder what they were doing? *coughs* getting it on *coughs* She says no. Jessica guilt trips her by saying she's only saying no to her because she is jealous of her. WHAT A BITCH!!! Liz's gives in. WHAT AN IDIOT!!! Jessica promises that she'll tell Collins (that was the random guy, I didn't follow it so well he looked so different from the beginning scene) that she and Liz can work as at team. Yeah, right. She'll keep on using her until she is used out.
At the Oracle, Liz finds her audition tape and throws it in the trash. She looks at Jess' tape and puts it into the VCR (this was before DVD's.) She is shocked to find out that Jess switched her tape... "Jessica" she said figuring out what she did. OH! BITCH YOU GOT CAUGHT!!!
Jessica yells at Liz for being late to get her stories that Jessica didn't type up. Liz gives her a blank piece of paper. Jess is like "why are these blank?" Liz says opps I must of mixed up my stories with the ones you were writing. Jessica doesn't understand. Liz tells he she found out Jess switched the tape and told her how much the anchor posistion meant to her and Jess only wanted Russ. I saw that a mile away. Jessica admits she was selfish and Collins pulls her into the studio with the blank news stories. HA! Jessica goes on air and makes an ass of herself. She finally cracks under the pressure and lets Liz report the news. BITCH COULDN'T HANDLE IT!! Jess is outside of the studio embarrassed and Collins tells her they need to talk and Jess squirms.
Next up is Bruce with his editorial report. Winston gets an idea. He types up the following instead of Bruce's name: See how my nostrils flare up when I talk? The school reacts like...wha? The crew has a good laugh and Patty and Enid are hugging him. WHAT? First of all it wasn't all that funny. Maybe when I was a kid but not know. I guess they can't put Douchebag Pattman or something like that.
Collins has just talked to Jess and she looks defeated. Liz comes out and Jess tells Collins she has to talk to the principal. Basically, Liz says how good she was at getting back at Jess and Jess agrees.
Back to Bruce, he's talking about how he LOVES money and how he's better than everybody. Winston puts up on the screen: Money is the name of my gerbil. The crew has a good laugh. I though that was alright.
Manny runs in to Bruce and says how great the jokes were. Bruce is like what jokes and Winston is like HAHA! Bruce chases Winston down the hall and Enid follows. Why would Enid follow? Did she want to see Winston get his ass beat up by Bruce? Winston never wins.
Jessica talks to Russ about how she wants to spend more time with him because she has more free time. Russ says "I don't think so." Jess says: What's the matter? Russ basically says that he was made a fool out of by her and he leaves. OHHH!!!! OWNED! But Jess quickly bounces back by seeing a guy named Rob and follows him. Skank.
And thats the end. We never hear from the Oracle On Air again or Russ who probably got fired for dating a student.
And Sweet Valley High is made by the same people who did Power Rangers. Which explains the corny montage music (except for the theme song which I like.)