Jessica and Winton enter the dance, and the book is following what I remember of the original, except the name check of InStyle magazine. It, also, mentions that the dance wasn’t cool when Steven was at the school five years ago. That’s why Steven can come home so often. He must only take one class a semester if he’s been a freshman for five years.
Todd drives a Honda to Ken’s party. I guess kids today wouldn’t recognize a Datsun. Todd jokingly predicts that Jessica could be the love of Bruce’s life. Liz wishes that Jessica would settle with a guy as sweet as Todd. Ah, irony.
Jessica and Bruce are talking to Paul Sherwood, Cara, Lila and John Pfeiffer. Liz thinks how she hates the whole group. Just me or did originally it take Elizabeth 90 books to realize this? Oh wait, Liz changed her mind about John and Cara. Wait, didn’t it take her 25 books to realize Cara could be okay? Then Liz considers catching Jessica’s lovesick expression on her video phone because we <3 technology. I <3 that Bruce still unties Jessica’s swimsuit.
Oops, I’ve forgotten to mention the Droids, I mean Valley of Death, subplot. Emily tells Liz how their new manager is going to start a viral video on MySpace. Wasn’t MySpace over by 2009? After school, Liz gets an inspiration about to write a short story about two ultra-competitive tennis players who fall in love. Has Liz ever written a story not based on Sweet Valley, her or Jessica’s lives? Robin comes over and tells Liz how Jessica’s trying to fix her up with Winston. Liz gets mad that Jessica would try to get Winston out of her hair like that, then Liz starts to set Robin and Winston up herself, but that’s not hypocritical at all. AT ALL. Later that night, Bruce asks Jessica if Liz’s allergic to fun. Why yes, Bruce she is, but that doesn’t seem to matter to you. I do know that Lila isn’t, maybe in the new e-series you’ll realize that.
The book breaks here for the plot about The Droids, I mean Valley of Death, but really it’s too boring to summarize.
There is an interesting quote here that sounds like someone was trying out a SVC idea:
“First of all, flunking chemistry is not the end of the world,” Bruce said, popping a potato chip into his mouth. “I mean, what the heck are you going to use that crap for anyway? Concocting your own makeup?”
Jessica frowned. Actually, that wasn’t the worst idea. She could make millions as a cosmetic magnate and have celebrities clamoring for her signature line and – “
Later, Elizabeth acts like a total hypocrite complaining how she never borrows Jessica’s clothes and she’s given up complaining about Bruce to Jessica to keep the peace while you guessed it borrowing clothes and getting in a fight about Bruce.
There’s another break to talk about Droids, Valley, oh let’s just call them the Voids since that’s what this plot is – a void in the book. There’s Winston and Robin as well, but again who cares? On the way home, they see Bruce’s car with steamed up windows. Later, Liz and Todd are talking about Jess and Bruce. Liz gets upset that Todd says at least Jessica is getting action as compared to Winston. There’s also a comment that Liz doesn’t get excited when Todd calls. Wow, that says so much about Sweet Valley Confidential, doesn’t it? The foursome catches Jessica and Bruce “steaming up” the windows of not 1Bruce1. Liz wonders why she doesn’t want to put it in the school gossip column. Would that really be acceptable for a school sponsored publication to say? Sound like it would encourage bullying – oh wait it’s Sweet Valley. Bullying is okay if you’re a size6, I mean, 4 blonde twin.
Drea Mattea makes a comment to Jessica about how she looks in her uniform because she’s jealous she (Drea) isn’t the captain. Who’s Drea? And why is she a cheerleader? In this rewrite there is a cheerleading coach – Jessica doesn’t have total power. Of course Bruce tells her she’s going to the game in a borderline abusive way. He does tell her where Russo keeps the chemistry test answers. Jessica gets Robin to do her dirty work. Emily finds the test. Has anyone ever understood the point of that? Why go to the trouble when she could just learn the answers she needed.
Liz goes to the newspaper office to find out who added the comment about Bruce to her column. John admits to it, and pretends to be a sane person. Then Liz goes to watch The Droids, I mean Valley of Death, argue, I mean practice. She thinks about how awesome her article will be about all the "strong" personalities. Emily follows St. Elizabeth of Sweet Valley out and confesses that she cheated on the chem test. Unsurprisingly, St. Elizabeth tells her that honesty is the best policy. I wonder if honesty with your boyfriend after a vacation is a good idea as well, Liz.
Jess comes in as Liz is writing the article to show her the dress Lila gave her. Is this the hint at Lila's shoplifting plot in one of the early books? She's going to wear it to the romantic dinner she and Bruce have planned for his birthday, except she's too lovestruck to notice that Bruce has another girlfriend.
After the exam is given back, Jessica finds out that the questions were changed and horror of horrors, she's going to have to do some extra credit assignments.
Was there ever an explanation about why the twins switched from French to Spanish? It seems so random.
She goes to whine to Bruce about her problems, but he tells her not to interrupt as he recaps his latest tennis match. John and Tom laugh at her humiliation. It is John, but I wonder why Tom was acting like such a jerk. But Jessica remembers the best way to keep Bruce's attention is to act like a Stepford wife.
Bruce picks Jessica up for the country club where they are going for his birthday dinner/her surprise party, which is of course a party for him. Liz and Todd are late because Todd worked late. Is this the first non-super edition reference to anyone actually holding a job? Todd feeds into Liz's delusions by telling her she's the prettiest girl in the room (what does that make her twin?) Then we get Round 137 of Liz nagging Jessica about Bruce. Liz goes over to Emily who confesses their manager was a fraud who was only trying to sleep with Dana. They are happy to be rid of him. No one mentions that maybe the police should be called on the guy who goes around trying to hook up with underage girls.
The party heads over to Guido's where Bruce continues to brag, and Elizabeth continues to judge. He makes an excuse to go pick up his second date. Liz arranges for Todd to tail him when they leave. Jessica snarks about Todd being whipped into submission. Ha! Someone finally notices. Anyway they circle back to Guido's. Where John Pfeiffer is snickering at Jessica - did anyone else not notice what a jerk he was this early in the series? Then finally, Bruce ends up in the pizza parlor's fountain, which may be the most awesome book ending and I'm glad they left it in.