First of all, I'd like to say, in my dream world where I have a lot of money to do shit like this, one day I would have a 1bruce1 Sweet Valley Convention. There would be cheerleading lessons and competitions; we'd have the World Cup of Sweet Valley High game; and it would all culminate in an awesome Jungle Prom where everyone would wear 1980s fashions.
So now look at this cover with that in mind:
My kingdom for Liz's hilarious dress! Seriously. Best. Thing. Ever. It's like lederhosen and a Swan Lake ballet outfit had a hideous baby, and it was Liz's prom dress.
Well, Liz's fake prom dress. Because we all know the real prom had magical vodka and this is a pale, pale imitation.
It opens at Casa de Wakefield. Liz has slaved over dinner and Jessica has been off at a prom committee meeting. Did you know that the twins are alike but different? Here we learn that "[Jessica] always wore the coolest clothes..." Obviously different from Elizabeth! Rimshot!
The prom is just ten days away. In this alternate universe, Liz isn't on the prom committee. I'm so shocked she can keep from bossing people around about decorations and stuff. Oh! Jessica is going to the dance with Aaron Dallas! My Sweet Valley Twins-loving heart beats a little bit faster when I read that! But then I remember it means Aaron will probably die in a car crash, so maybe I shouldn't be happy? Whatever, I am. I can't help it. I'm twelve again. Jessica/Aaron 4EVA.
Jessica wants to be prom queen more than anything. So that hasn't changed. We learn that the students are supposed to vote for someone "popular, poised, and purposeful." Jessica thinks she is popular and poised, so "two out of three wasn't bad." Haha. I bet the ghostwriters chosen to write the tiny doll booklets were like, the lowest rung on the totem pole. Even the Sweet Valley Kids writers looked down on them, but that wasn't bad.
Liz, of course, is going with Todd. Because she is boring.
But--oh noes--they haven't decided on a theme yet. Wow, that is really last minute. Now I'm serious about being surprised Liz hasn't taken charge yet. Winston wants to have a "science fair" theme prom. Poor Winston, reduced to nerd cliche. But, in the end, they decided of a them called Moonlight & Roses. OMG! That's what the booklet is called! What a coincidence! I think Jungle Prom is cooler, but no one asked my opinion.
Jessica wants to go shopping with Liz for dresses. Liz says she got one already, with Enid. She models it for Jessica and it's--not the hideous thing. I was all prepared to make a joke about Enid's taste. You win this time, ghostwriter, but I'll get you eventually. It's actually the dress Jessica is wearing on the cover. Jessica is envious of it. Golly, I wonder what will happen!
Jessica thinks that Liz is sure to be picked as prom queen in that dress. She has to find something even better if she wants to win. Quick call, Lila! She has better taste than Enid.
Actually, Lila is not helpful. She says Jessica waited too long and there's going to be nothing left. So Jessica goes alone. She looks and looks for a dress, but can't find anything she really loves. Finally she gives up and gets one that is just "okay". (Okay? Jessica! Have you lost your senses?!) But when she goes home and holds it up to Liz's dress, there is no comparison. Jessica thinks she might spill nail polish on Liz's dress or give it away to Goodwill.
It's good to know that in absolutely every prom scenario, Jessica will screw over Liz to get prom queen.
Prom night arrives, the twins primp. Even Elizabeth's room is a mess, we're told. Someone alert the media! The twins model their dresses for each other. Jessica thinks Liz's is perfect, but Liz thinks Jessica's dress is "sophisticated" (What?! Where?!). Elizabeth likes that Jessica's dress has a) a bow and b) puffy sleeves. I can only imagine what Tim Gunn would say about this.
The girls decide to switch dresses. Todd is even wearing a blue tie, so now he matches Elizabeth. And Aaron gives Jessica roses that match her dress. Ned and Alice take pictures, like normal parents. And then it's off to the gymnasium to see how "magical" it is. I'm sorry, but there's never anything magical about a gymnasium, no matter how many streamers you put in it.
The twins think they will always remember this night. Um, no you won't because your time stream is about to be rewritten!
The booklet ends telling us "YOU DECIDE" who gets to be prom queen. I decide that we should forget all about this and focus on A Real Night to Remember.