iheartbusterk (iheartbusterk) wrote in 1bruce1,
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Episode 1.8 The Prince of Santa Dora

 

This episode was missed somehow during the season 1 round-up. I am not screen-cap savvy though. Sorry folks! So without further ado…

 

The episode opens with Jessica interrupting Elizabeth at a school computer. I can only assume that this is an extracurricular activity since Liz can talk to Jessica freely. Jessica’s big announcement? Liz’s long-time pen pal the Prince of Santa Dora has come for a visit. Of course a Wakefield gets a prince for a pen pal. All I ever got was some girl in France who wrote exactly once. Liz is all enthused that Arthur is in town. Todd must have some sensor in his head alerting him when Liz shows any interest in a guy because he shows up and is all “who’s this guy?” He’s quickly calmed down when Arthur brings up Todd’s mad athletic skillz. 

On to the Moon Beach Café which Paolo (Arthur’s bodyguard) has rented out. We quickly learn that Sweet Valley is the center of the business universe (as if there was any doubt) and that Santa Dora is apparently powerful enough to warrant an address to congress…of course it is. Lila comes rushing in and is rudely manhandled by Paolo. Paolo, how can you not see Lila’s awesomeness? True, the awesomeness is dimmed in the show. Lila’s decided to throw a party in Arthur’s honor…of course she has because in Sweet Valley there’s a party on every day that ends in ‘y’. Lila mentions inviting only the right people……since when is Enid “the right people”?

That night at the Wakefield house, Liz and Jessica talk about how awful it must be to have a bodyguard around the whole time. So of course, a scheme is hatched. And, it’s the dumbest scheme imaginable. It involves a hat and Winston talking on a stone age cell phone, pretending to be the king. Now, I could be wrong but it seems like Santa Dora is supposed to be Monaco and last time I checked Monaco was a principality, meaning no king. Of course I’ve got be a dumb as Todd to expect the SVH crew to get their facts straight.

Jessica manages to make off with Arthur and they go on a dream date montage, complete with cheesy music. I have to say this. I hate the music on SVH. It’s a step or two below elevator music. Montage ends and Arthur declares that the day has been the best in his life. Of course it was Arthur! You’re in the presence of a Wakefield.

Back at the Moon Beach, Paolo drops the bomb that Arthur is unavailable. Liz is there when he says this and yet doesn’t think to tell her sister? Especially after Lila says “really” in a way that we all know means trouble? And you’re supposed to be the good sister Liz?

Jessica has a little day dream about life as a Santa Doran princess. In fantasyland, this means that she’s on the dollar bill (pre-Euro did any European country have currency called a dollar?) and Lila is her maid.  Then she’s getting ready for the party. Liz has a great opening to tell her about the prince’s wife-to-be, but does she? No! Liz, even Todd knows this wrong…..TODD! Of course this doesn’t stop from Todd and Liz from making out…until Todd goes “wow” at Jess. Jess is all “I have to have ‘Kiss Me’ playing and slo-mo and a way too lingering camera on me as I come down the stairs”. Why does she think this? Because she’s 110% sure that Arthur is going to propose to her. As if! Jessica, this is California, not Kentucky.

Flash to the party at the Fowler estate….wait it’s just a cheesy plastic tent. Epic fail SVH crew! Jessica and Arthur arrive to everyone’s admiring glances and one super skeevy from Bruce. It’s the sort of look where you feel like the person can see your underwear. Manuel dances with a girl 10 inches taller than him. Enid tries to flirt with Paolo. Paolo knows what’s what and walks away. Lila makes a toast to Arthur and his non-Jessica betrothed…with fruit punch. Lila would have Perrier or sparkling cider if she couldn’t get actual champagne, not fruit punch. Fail again SVH crew! Jessica rushes out. Arthur is all “arranged marriage” and “royal duty” so Jessica forgives him. And then he’s all “screw all that! Let’s meet at the pier!”

Sweet Valley looks like it shares a pier with Capeside and I half expect James Van Der Beek to run into the frame. Arthur is a no-show and Jessica runs home in tears to find a letter. Arthur has gone back to Santa Dora and Jessica wonders how she’ll ever date normal guys again. Give it 5 minutes Jess and you’ll find that you can cope!

Tags: recapper: iheartbusterk, tv show, tv show recap
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