The whole entire teenage population of Sweet Valley is at Moon Beach, watching Bruce as he unveils a fortune telling machine that he picked up at an auction over the weekend. He puts some money into the machine to start it up for a demonstration. The machine dings and a small piece of paper slides out of a slot. Bruce reads out "You'll make a lot of money". The crowd is excited to try it out and rush over to the machine to have a turn.
Bruce: I see my fortune is coming true, already. Good thing I rigged the machine to take 4 quarters instead of just 1.
Lila and Jessica come into the cafe and scoff at the idea of a fortune telling machine.
Lila: Why don't you get something useful? Like a sauna.
Manny's fortune says "You will know truth when it walks in your bedroom with a seashell". Winston's paper is blank. Enid's says "A visitor will shower you with gifts", which she claims to be uncanny as her Aunt Jezebel is coming to visit and she always showers Enid with gifts.
Enid: Cheryl, aren't you going to try your fortune?
Cheryl: If I wanted to waste my money, I'd buy a wardrobe like Lila's.
Bruce talks Jessica and Lila into trying their fortunes by paying for their first try.
Lila: "Doom is around the corner."
Jessica: "That what you love will be destroyed."
Bruce: Well, you are in love with yourself. So I guess that means, you're history.
The girls leave and some new guy comes through the door and goes into the poolroom where Todd is and sits nearby. Bruce walks up to him and asks "what can I get you". Since when does Bruce do the waiting. I thought that was Winston's job.
NewGuy: Do you have any carrot juice?
Bruce: No, but I can get you the next best thing. One cherry cola coming right up.
New Guy: Uh thanks.
Bruce: *looks at guy's safari T-shirt* Cool shirt, what were you doing in Kenya?
New Guy: I was working for the peace corps. Have you ever been there?
Bruce: Last summer my family and I went on a safari.
Really Bruce? I thought you were hanging at the beach, trying to win The Beach Olympics. The two guys bond about living off the land and sleeping under the stars. Todd interrupts them to claim he is going to throw up. Shutup, Todd.
Todd: Hey, Bruce. I need a refill.
Bruce: What are you trying to do with all those napkins? Bankrupt me? *walks off to get drink*
Todd: Patman can be such a tightwad.
New Guy: Actually he has a point. You should use less paper to save trees.
Bruce returns with the two drinks.
Todd: Who's that guy, he's really annoying.
Bruce: Actually, I liked him.
Elizabeth runs into the room and calls out Zac, so she apparently knows New Guy.
Todd: Oh, give me a break.
Bruce: Do I detect a note of jealousy?
Zac brought Liz a present. A book about the art of motorcycle maintenance. Liz has ALWAYS wanted to read it. Except for that time she was in a coma...
Todd: What a joke. You don't even own a motorcycle.
Liz: Todd, the book is about a man's philosophy on life.
Todd: Well, I'd rather read a book on needlepoint.
Smoooth, Tood. Smooth~
Liz and Zac head out to a booth where Liz starts asking him questions about his work in the rainforest. Lila and Jessica come back inside covered in mud. They were just walking along the street when a truck came around the corner and splashed them, RUINING their clothes forever!!! The rest of the gang are highly amused.
Bruce: Sounds to me like your fortunes came true. They did something about doom and destruction, didn't they?
Jessica: Look at my shoes! Have you ever seen so much mud in your life?
Zac: No. The rainforest is covered in linoleum.
Lila: Well, I'm not going to stand for this, I'm getting another fortune!
Lila's new fortune isn't any better: "Watch out, you're about to be burned". Jessica's new one is "You'll be spurned by a man on a red horse".
Liz decides to drag Zac off someplace quieter for their interview, but Zac wants more than an interview. He wants a date! They decide on dinner and bowling on Saturday night. Todd watches as Zac asks Liz out. Todd is such a creep.
Jessica is trying to curl her hair for a date but it won't work. She starts claiming that her fortune is ruining her, but Liz points out the curling iron isn't even plugged in and the fortunes are just coincidents.
Jessica: Listen to this. "You will fail a major test". And I did! I flunked geometry.
Liz: But you always fail geometry. Next time, study harder, and not at a Nine Inch Nails concert.
Jessica: Then explain this one. "Trouble spots are on the horizon". Then I got this zit!
Liz: But everyone gets zits! It's a fact of life!
Jess: Not in my life.
The phone rings. It's Jessica's date standing her up. He drives a red mustang, which Jessica determines is the red horse from her fortune. The door bell rings, and Liz answers it. Zac is there, but Lila pushes him aside and barges inside calling for Jessica, her hair a mess. Her fortune came true too, because her hair got fried while getting a perm. Lila rummages through her handbag to find some emergency supplies. She has a horse shoe, some four leaf clovers flown in direct from Ireland, and a bunch of lucky rabbits feet.
Zac: Hey. You know those rabbits were killed for those.
Jess: Nooooo. I thought they were all hopping around on crutches.
Lila also has a book called "Sure Fire Good Luck Tips". Jessica starts reading from it.
Jess: If you a rub a red head, It will give you good luck. Quick! Call Kristy Callahan!
Lila: What about me?!
Jess: I think it only works on natural red heads.
At Moon Beach, Bruce ups the price on the fortune teller to $5. The gang is outraged, but they still buy one anyway.
Enid: You will receive some unexpected money.
Winston and Manny are about to buy their own fortunes when Cheryl steps in front of them, trying to talk them out of it.
Cheryl: Take charge of your life. Control your own destiny!
While she's talking, one of the gaming machines starts spitting out random coins. Cheryl watches dumbfounded as Enid, Manny and Winston scoop up as much money as they can without dropping it.
At the bowling alley, Liz tells Zac that she's having a really great time, and admits she hasn't dated in a while. Todd walks in with a blonde on his arm and heads right for where Zac and Liz are playing. U SO SUBLTE, TODD. For some reason Zac is teaching Liz how to play bowling and comments about keeping your eyes on the pins and staying focused. Of course this is the moment Liz sees Todd and his date, and she lets the ball go behind her. Todd's date giggles.
ANGRY LIZ storms up to Todd to demand to know what he's doing! Todd is only trying to ruin her date!!!!
Todd: Don't flatter yourself! It was Amber's idea to come here. She's a pro bowler.
Amber: How many pins do you have to knock over to get a home run?
Bring on montage time. It's a competition between the two couples. Zac and Liz hug. Todd puts his arm around Amber's shoulder. Liz feeds Zac a few chips, Todd feeds Amber a burger. Liz stuffs in a few more chips. Todd shoves the burger in Amber's face. Todd somehow sneaks a bottle of mayo from his pocket, drops it on the floor and steps on it to squirt it onto the next lane. He kicks the bottle away from him to hide the evidence. Zac steps on the mayo and slides down the lane. Amber walks out and helps him up.
People are lining up at Moon Beach to try the fortune teller. Some guy walks up to Bruce and declines an offer for some food. No man, I need the money for the fortunes. How much for the watch?. Bruce hands him a roll of silver coins.
Winston: I keep on getting blanks.
Manny: Well, at least you don't have "The cockatoo crows once at night except when the liver's frozen"
Enid: "There will be a great new mann in your life". And man is spelt with two Ns
Manny: My name is spelt with two Ns.
Enid: Hi Lenny. .... :O Lenny!! :D
Jessica and Lila walk up to the fortune teller. Jessica is on crutches. Lila is telling Jessica about her last fortune which read "You will be drowning in luxury".
Lila: I turned on my jacuzzi this morning and it flooded the whole upstairs.
Jessica: Oh yeah. At least you didn't sprain your ankle tripping over a lucky horse shoe.
Lila turns around to put coins into the machine, but Enid is there. Lila is horrified that Enid took her fortune. "In your time of need, others will run to your rescue".
Lila: You cut in line. That's supposed to be my fortune!
Enid: No way!
Lila: Yes way!
A chase around Moon Beach ensues. Lila grabs Enid and pushes over the pool table and starts strangling her, demanding the fortune.
Enid: SOMEBODY HELP ME!
Manny: I'm coming, Enid!
While everyone is occupied with Lila and Enid, Cheryl sneaks money into the fortune teller. "You waste your money on foolish things". Winston sneaks up behind her.
Winston: Change of heart, Cheryl?
Cheryl: ... I thought it was the jukebox.
It took three guys to pull Lila off Enid. She gives up and tells Enid to keep her stupid fortune. She sits with Jessica in the corner, and just as Bruce describes as he walks by them, it's Jessica the jinx, and Lila the luckless. The girls plot to do something to the machine because they'd never have problems until Bruce bought it.
Back at the bowling alley, Liz accuses Todd of ruining her date. While they fight, Zac and Amber compliment each other's hair and clothes.
Todd: You're impossible! I can't believe I'm in love with some... I mean I believe I was in love with you.
I don't know what happened to Jessica's so-called sprained ankle, because she certainly has no problems sneaking around without her crutches. She and Lila are dressed like fashionable cat burglars, breaking into the Moon Beach.
Jessica: I'm so glad Bruce didn't ask for his keys back from when I worked here.
Lila: Yeah now we're not breaking and entering; we're just entering.
They head on over to the fortune teller and remove their masks. Lila puts forehead-light-thing over her head, and Jessica pulls out some white gloves for Lila's hands. Lila asks Jessica for various instruments such as a scalpel and tweezers and she uses them to fiddle with the machine. They then switch out the fortunes from the machine with new ones.
Yawn. Liz and Todd start reminiscing about going to the bowling alley when they were together and how they danced to Sinatra songs. They get ready to leave and realise Zac and Amber aren't around. A guy who I guess is the owner tells them that Zac and Amber have already left. Together.
It's a new day, and people are trying out the fortune teller again. Lila and Jessica are sitting at a booth and are eyeing a policeman who is at the counter.
Winston: Alright! "Free meal for four at the Moon Beach!"
Manny: Now this fortune I can understand! "Unlimited sodas for life!"
Hearing the fortunes, everyone instead the cafe jumps up to have a turn.
Bruce: HEY! SOMEONE OBVIOUSLY SABOTAGED THIS MACHINE! And if anyone thinks I'm going to honour any of these coupons...
The cop walks over to Bruce.
Cop: $5, huh? Do you have a permit for this thing?
Bruce: Well, not exactly
Cop: Really. That's a violation of code 67330. Not to mention that not honouring those coupons counts as false advertising which ispunishable by up to three years in county..
Bruce: I'll honour them! And I'll get a permit! Just don't arrest me please!
Cop: Ok. I'll let you go with a warning. BUT. I'll be back to make sure you're good on your word, boy.
The policeman walks over to Lila and tells her to thank her dad for the new cappuccino machine.
It's yet another day and the fortune teller is out of commission. It's now made into more of a diorama with sand and lizard toys and a van inside. Bruce has an idea that Lila and Jess were in on the tampering but neither admit it. They also claim that they didn't believe any of the fortunes anyway, because they're in charge of their own destinies! A shot under the table shows Jessica rubbing a rabbit's foot, and Lila holding onto a horseshoe.
Bruce: By the way, what do you think of my latest promotion? Fortune cookies!
DUN DUN DUN.