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July 10th, 2010 - Elizabeth and Jessica are better than you. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Elizabeth and Jessica are better than you.

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July 10th, 2010

Sweet Valley Kids Super Snooper #1: The Case of the Secret Santa [Jul. 10th, 2010|09:59 pm]
Elizabeth and Jessica are better than you.


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Sweet Valley Kids Super Snooper #1: The Case of the Secret Santa

Before I get to the actual recap, there are two important things you need to know about this book.

1. There is a “gift” in the inside front cover flap. It’s an ornament for you to hang on your tree that says “Have a Sweet Valley Christmas.” As I associate “Sweet Valley Christmas” with being stalked by an insane doppelganger as she attempts to gain information about you so she can steal your life, I really hope this ornament with be what it takes to put me over the top and finally achieve a Sweet Valley Christmas!! I’ve been waiting so long!

2. At the back of the book, there are the official rules for becoming a Sweet Valley Reader of the Month. It begins, “We know how important Sweet Valley is to you. That’s why we’ve come up with a Sweet Valley celebration offering exciting opportunities to have YOUR thoughts printed in a Sweet Valley book!” So… those photos of kids with bad haircuts was supposed to make them feel important not used and embarrassed? I think we did the tote bag contest entirely wrong! And it says that by sending in an essay you’re entered in a grand prize drawing for a trip to Los Angeles (approximate retail value: $4,500!). Another feature we failed to provide. Shucks. Sorry, guys.

I think it goes without saying that I would send in a reader of the month entry RIGHT NOW if the “official rules” didn’t tell me that it had to be received before December 31, 1990 and entrants must be between 6 and 16 years old. Maybe I could claim it just got really lost in the mail. I was eight in 1990 so I was totally eligible!

Okay, onto the book:

Like the last Super Snooper I recapped, and the one halliejsmathers just did, it’s Christmas and the twins are still in second grade. I suppose having a Sweet Valley Christmas would also involve being caught in some sort of groundhog day-like time warp where you only experience holidays and breaks from school.

Anyway, the cover tells us that Jessica thinks the new custodian at Sweet Valley Elementary might be Santa Claus. When I first read that I snorted. Because obviously if you were a magical being (both Saint and jolly old elf) with the ability to fly anywhere in the world, what you’d really want to do with your free time is clean up after Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield. My reaction was a bit similar to David Sedaris in his piece on Sinterklaas, “Six to Eight Black Men”. SANTA DIDN’T USED TO DO ANYTHING. HE’S NOT RETIRED. (Go listen to that if you haven’t, I’ll wait.) We all have our own personal ideas about who Santa Claus is or isn’t. Santa in Sweet Valley did not fit into my personal canon. I was more apt to believe there was a night when Santa went crazy. (I’ll wait for you to watch that too.)

But, on the other hand, I do love Christmas movies like Miracle on 34th Street (which this book totally rips off) and Elf where people come to believe in Santa again. And I always root for the little kid who insists that Santa is real despite what the stupid grown-ups say. So I was kind of conflicted about this one. I didn’t know who to root for.

It was confusing. Kind of like how I wasn’t sure to be disappointed or relieved that there were no crazy elves or alien princesses to be found. I thought that was what Super Snoopers were about!

Is he Santa Claus?Collapse )
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Oh, Jessica [Jul. 10th, 2010|10:40 pm]
Elizabeth and Jessica are better than you.



Brittney Daniel at the 2010 BET Awards.

Somewhere, Cynthia Daniel got an intense urge to wear a cardigan with matching barrettes.
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