March 1st, 2009

SVH (Sweet Valley High)

SVU 39: Elizabeth [Heart] New York

Sweet Valley University #39: Elizabeth ♥ New York (Summer Break)

I think two things upon seeing this title (okay, three if you count “MUST HAVE!”). The first is that, as a denizen of New York, I can say for sure that New York does not, in fact, return the ♥s. I would go so far as to say that we [NO HEART] Elizabeth. But I will have to poll some other New Yorkers, any here want to chime in?

Do you heart Liz?

I'm a New Yorker and I [no heart] Liz.
I'm a New Yorker and I return Liz's [hearts].
I'm not a New Yorker but I want to vote anyway.

Secondly, as written it says “Elizabeth [Love] New York” which has some subject-verb (if you can call a symbol a verb) agreement issues. Did the Sweet Valley editors endeavor to clear this up by putting a ♥s or multiple hearts ♥♥? No. They don’t care. Proof positive that Sweet Valley hates grammar!

Also? The cover. Is it me or is Liz frolicking in traffic? It’s getting my hopes up. There is a slim barricade straight down Times Square, but she’s throwing a hat into the air! In the Summer! That thing is going to get picked up by the wind and she’ll run after it and get smushed by at least eight separate cabs and then trampled by irritated New Yorkers who don’t want that dead tourist to get in the way of them getting across the street to the Starbucks. (“What’s the harm?” they think as they walk over her corpse. “She’s already dead. And you don’t want to block traffic in the busiest intersection in the world, do you? Plus if I don’t cross the street to get my Starbucks I’m absolutely going go mad and kill people.” I see their point.)

Why am I thinking about this so much? Why do you vex me so, Sweet Valley? Why?

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