|SVH Super Edition: Falling For Lucas
||[Dec. 29th, 2008|01:18 am]
Elizabeth and Jessica are better than you.
|[||Tags|||||boyfriend stealing, cheating cheaters, enid "alex" rollins, miss lila fowler, recapper: tommckayisgay, scheming jessica, spring break, super edition, sweet valley high, trusty boyfriend todd, winston egbert||]|
The cover of this book shows a couple that clearly does not want to be disturbed. It’s LIZ AND TODD!!!!
No, really. Todd makes arrangements for he and Liz to be alone in a hotel room! He wants to… wait for it… sleep with her! And he really does put out a “Do Not Disturb Sign”. Something else (or someone else), however, is not “put out” or, uh, does not put out.
It’s Spring Break in Sweet Valley! AGAIN! Sixteen SVH students (though they only name about 10, so who knows who the remaining unnamed students are…) are going on a ski trip to Snow Mountain in Colorado.
Yes, “Snow Mountain.” Creative, no?
Anyway, the students on the trip are Liz, Jess, Enid, Lila, Olivia, Caroline Pearce, Patty Gilbert (mentioned twice), Claire Middleton (mentioned once) Todd, Winston, and Tom McKay (also mentioned once… I wonder who his lucky roommate is?). It’s great how all our favorite characters are always the students who get chosen for everything, like this trip.
Jess and Lila meet up with Liz and Enid at Casey’s for ice cream and a discussion of the upcoming trip. Enid is rocking a “beaded sweater.” Lila pretends to like it and says, “Hello, Enid. What a pretty sweater. The retro look is very in.” Enid looks at her uncertainly. Everyone – hopefully including Enid – knows she’s lying. Jess and Lila argue over who will have the “sexiest snow bunny outfit.” Enid complains that no one thinks of her as sexy (I know I sure don’t. Really, when you think “Enid,” so you think “hot”? Hell no! I would change my name to Alexandra too. That at least sounds like it has potential.). To cheer Enid up, Liz tells her she’s an “interesting, attractive person.”
If someone complains they’re unattractive, and, in reply, you tell them they’re interesting before you tell them they’re attractive, chances are they’re not attractive. Side note: Amy can’t go on the trip because she’s failing French. Didn’t she fail French (or some other subject) on another spring break and couldn’t do whatever happened on that spring break?
Jess reminisces about Christian Gorman and his death, saying that getting away and meeting new guys will be a “fresh start” for her. I suppose she’s used to this routine of coping by now. Lila is appalled that Liz is not going to be taking advantage of the fact that she and Todd will be together in Colorado with no parents around.
Later that night, Liz and Todd go out on a date. Liz asks if she will have to buy “hot pink, spandex ski pants” in order to get Todd’s attention on the slopes. Todd says that may not be a bad idea but that she looks great without any spandex ski pants. Liz’s eyebrows shoot up and she gasps, “Todd! Did you hear what you just said?” They kiss. Liz pulls away. In a breathless voice, Todd replies, “We don’t have to stop just yet.” And Liz the Buzzkill says, “Yes, we do.” She reminds him that they have separate rooms and each have roommates for the ski trip; Todd grins and says that he and Winston have something worked out so they’ll have plenty of time alone together.
Friday afternoon, the bus takes off for Colorado. Jess tells Liz about the outfits she and Lila bought; Lila got a “cornflower blue ski outfit with real rabbit fur lining.” Where is PETA to throw paint on her? Jess got purple spandex pants with a parka that is “color-blocked purple and hot pink.” Liz says they’ll be beating off sexy ski instructors. Jess says, “The more, the merrier!”
Liz is worried about Enid not feeling attractive and hopes that Enid will meet someone on the trip. Jess says, “In her dreams” and that Enid kinda fades into the background. Ya think? Liz says that Enid just doesn’t have a lot of confidence; Jess thinks, “For good reason.” I like Jess in this book! Liz tells Jess that Todd won’t try to take advantage of being alone on this trip; Jess snorts and says, “You just wait and see.”
The seats on the bus fold out into bunks, and everyone falls asleep. Side note: Mr. Collins snores! Todd can’t sleep and decides that all he needs is to be with Liz, even for a short time. So he gets up, walks to the front of the bus where her bunk is, climbs into Liz’s bunk (!!!!!), and wraps his arms around her. Liz snuggles up to him, but then she wakes up and freaks out that he’s there! Mr. Collins wakes up and commands Todd to return to his bunk (I think he’s jealous). Liz is embarrassed. Everyone on the bus hears this and knows what Todd and Liz were up to.
They stop for breakfast the next morning, and while Lila and Jess scope out guys, Liz complains to Enid and Olivia about Todd. Liz can’t believe Todd tried something in front of Mr. Collins. (Apparently she doesn’t care that Ms. Jacobi, the female chaperone, saw anything. BTW, why isn’t Ms. Dalton on this trip? What happened to her?). Enid cuts out of the diner early to hit a bookstore, where she finds a book called 101 Ways to be Sassy on the Slopes. She buys the book. Enid thinks that it might give her a few ideas, but then thinks, it seems pitiful that you need a book to tell you how to attract a guy.
On the bus, Liz and Todd make up. Todd apologizes for trying stuff in front of people; he thinks she would have been more receptive if they’d been in private. Am I the only one who wonders if he and I are thinking about the same Liz Wakefield? It’s like he’s learned nothing. Todd then talks with Winston, his roommate, and they discuss the plan: If Todd and Liz want alone time, Todd will be the “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door, and Winston will sleep in the lobby. What does Winston get out of this? ”My everlasting gratitude,” Todd told him. Gee, I wonder who got the better deal. Todd admits that Liz doesn’t know about this arrangement, but he’s confident that she’ll love it.
They arrive at the lodge. Todd tells Winston that the couches look comfortable.
Lila and Jess go skiing and guy-scoping. On the lift, they point out hot guys to each other, and then Jess says, “Hey, Li! Check out the dark-haired guy who jumped off the – oops. Forget I mentioned it. It’s only Todd.”
Todd is also being checked out by a 30-something woman (why?).
Jess and Lila are so busy guy-scoping that they fall off the lift at the end. They’re approached by an “incredibly gorgeous guy” with a red parka and tight black ski pants who suggests they could use some lessons. His name is Lucas King, and he’s a ski instructor. They now both want him. Instead of telling him that they’re actually great skiers, the two girls decide to act incompetent to get his attention. They make a bet over who will kiss Lucas on the lips first; the loser has to ski down a double-black diamond slope. They call it the Battle of Snow Mountain.
Enid, who is the most interesting she has ever been in the series, starts using her Sassy book. Method One: “You have to protect your face from sunburn and windburn anyway, so why not do it in a way that attracts attention from skiers of the opposite sex? Fluorescent colored zinc oxide gets you noticed! Most ski shops will carry your usual SPF number in a variety of fashion colors. Or pick a hue that coordinates with your ski clothes. For a little extra attention, try wearing zinc oxide- in your favorite glow in the dark shade – while night skiing. Guys love a girl who isn’t afraid to look a little bit wild.”
Enid puts lime green sunblock on her nose. She attracts the attention of a dude wearing “baggy black jeans and a black and grey plaid flannel shirt that was big enough for an entire bobsled crew.” He says her nose matches his hair: the front is purple, to match his socks, but the back of his hair is green. Enid makes an excuse and bolts.
At the ski lift, Todd is sure that Liz is only unreceptive to his numerous, passionate kisses because they’re in public. He can’t wait to get her alone so she will be as “warm and loving as he could want.” He thinks about the “Do Not Disturb” sign. I think this will not end well… for Todd. He then gets hit on by the 30-something woman; he turns her down.
Jess ditches Lila, who remembers what happened when they fought over Mick in the Caribbean and the disaster that ensued. Somehow, they still think it’s a good idea to fight over another guy. Jess accidentally-on-purpose runs into Lucas and signs up for a full day of skiing lessons the following day. She’s thrilled that he seems please (maybe he’s pleased because he’ll get paid for a full day of private lessons?). Lila then tries to book a full day of lessons and finds out that Jess has beaten her to it. She’s furious and demands to be included. Jess makes an excuse about wanting to build up her speed on the slopes; Lila says she’s already the fastest girl around. SKANK ALERT! Jess tells Lila that they’re meeting at 9 and that she can join the lesson; then Jess cancels Lila’s wake-up call so she’ll miss the lesson.
That night, Liz and Todd head upstairs to their rooms. Todd asks if Liz wants to see his room. Liz is confused and wonders if it looks just like her room. Liz is an idiot. She walks down there with him and goes inside, then mentions that it does look just like her room! While she’s exploring the room, Todd puts out the “Do Not Disturb” sign. Liz admires the view of the slopes. Todd admires the view of Liz. Liz says she needs to leave and put on her flannel pajamas in her own room. Todd puts his arms around Liz and pulls her to the bed. Liz tells Todd to cool it. He says, “We don’t have to be cool anymore. We’re alone now.” Todd then tells Liz that he’s already arranged for Winston to sleep somewhere else. Liz is SHOCKED and clutches her pearls and V-card closer to her chest! She goes to the bathroom; Todd is thrilled that she’s freshening up before getting more intimate. Liz comes out and dumps a cup of cold water in his lap. SCORE! Well, I guess there is no scoring, but the sentiment still stands.
The next morning, Winston sneaks back into his room, afraid that he’s going to wake up Liz and Todd, but the couches were just too uncomfortable. Winston says he’s never been so embarrassed in his life than he was when sleeping on the couches. Todd shrugs and says, “Practice makes perfect.” What an asshole! Winston’s surprised to hear that Liz went back to her room the night before – especially because Todd didn’t remove the “Do Not Disturb” sign or go down to get Winston from the couches. Winston thinks about hitting Todd but decides that with Todd’s “athletic build”, he would not stand a chance.
Enid practices Method #2, which involves showing off her skills on the slope. She accidentally tries to offer assistance and hit on a guy with a girlfriend. Then she accidentally hits on Winston, who’s awful at skiing but has told everyone otherwise. They agree to cover for each other, as she knows his secret and he spots her 101 Ways to be Sassy On the Slopes book. She then gives Winston the lime green sunblock.
Lila, furious about what Jess has done to make her miss the lesson, goes to the mountain and strategically places herself at the bottom of a run to make it look like she’s fallen. She waits for Lucas, who comes to her rescue. Both Jess and Lila are upset when Lucas offers them a joint lesson for the following day.
Meanwhile, Liz is spending her time trying to ski away from Todd. He keeps trying to apologize; he’s having none of it. Todd notices that Liz is skiing off the trail into a dangerous area, especially since there has been an avalanche warning. He goes after her – and there’s an avalanche!
Liz watches the avalanche hit Todd and thinks it’s her fault.
This is the opposite of every horror movie I’ve ever seen: Liz didn’t have sex with Todd, but bad things are still happening!
Liz picks herself up and goes to the ski patrol to tell them about Todd. She meets Dirk Roman (who might have a career ahead of him in porn, if his name is any indication…), who says they can’t search for Todd until dawn because of the weather. Liz decides to stay at ski patrol for the night.
Todd, meanwhile, is trapped under snow and when he calls out for help, he discovers the 30-something woman who’s been hitting on him is right there too. She helps him and leads him to a small cabin that has apparently been stocked for people who are stranded. Todd is uncomfortable around her because she keeps staring at him “as if she was imagining what he looked like underneath his ski clothes.” She even uses the pick-up line, “I’ll show you what I’ve got if you show me what you’ve got…” Her name’s Cassandra. I’m going to call her The Cougar.
Todd finds a two-way radio in the cabin and manages to alert ski patrol that they’re okay. Liz is surprised that he uses the word “we” when talking about his condition. But the radio connection breaks, so neither side can communicate more. Todd builds a fire while The Cougar cooks. Todd mentions that “Liz couldn’t start a fire if her life depended on it.” The Cougar says that does not surprise her. Or me.
The Cougar twists everything Todd says about Liz so that it sounds negative. She tells Todd he’s in need of a “real woman” and that SHE would have appreciated the “Do Not Disturb” sign. Todd wonders how to respond. It depends on the guy, Todd decided, his mind racing. Kirk “The Jerk” Anderson would exchange a few raunchy comments with Cassandra and then help her out of her ski suit. Bruce Patman, the richest boy in Sweet Valley, would pull out a cellular phone and call a helicopter to whisk the two of them off to a private condo in Aspen. Winston would probably just faint. But what about Todd “Whizzer” Wilkins, high school basketball star and devoted – but frustrated – boyfriend of Elizabeth Wakefield?
“Whizzer” tells The Cougar he’ll sleep on the floor by himself.
Todd checks The Cougar out while she undresses. While he’s asleep, she comes onto the floor and onto him, kissing him and pushing her shirt up. Todd is shocked and asks what she’s doing. The Cougar laughs and says, “If you don’t know, then you need a real woman even more desperately than I thought.” The Cougar mentions she doesn’t understand the younger generations and mentions that she has at least two ex-husbands. She slinks back to her bed. Todd eyes her.
The next day, Enid decides to go ice skating to pick up guys, hoping that someone will offer to help her. She manages to pick up the same green-haired dude. She runs off again.
Jess and Lila show up to their joint skiing lesson, where there’s also a third girl who’s a real beginning. Neither is happy. Lila overhears Lucas being invited to a party that night and decides to crash it without Jess.
The Cougar offers herself again to Todd and says, “No strings attached.” Todd goes outside to search for firewood.
That night, Lila shows up at the party and hangs out with Lucas. He takes her home and they kiss outside where Jess can see it through the window. Jessica drops a snowball right on Lila’s head for revenge. Jessica now has to ski the double-black diamond.
The next day, conditions on the mountain have improved a bit, so Dirk and Liz (who tells them she is coming on the rescue mission whether it’s illegal or not!) go out in search of Todd and The Cougar.
Jess and Lila head up the mountain with the beginner and Lucas. Jess goes up to the double black diamond and the beginner tells Lucas what Jess is doing; Lucas is shocked because Jess isn’t that good and decides he needs to stop her. Jessica misses a jump because she’s busy thinking about Lucas and then crashes into him.
Todd and The Cougar are running out of food and the cabin does not look like it’s holding up well under the snow. The Cougar says she’s scared and just wants a hug. Todd hugs her – and she starts kissing him. He tries to turn his head away. Just then – Liz and Dirk storm inside!! Liz rushes out, mortified, and won’t listen to Todd try to explain anything about the situation.
Jess and Lucas are both in the hospital from their crash. Lucas has a sprain; Jess fractured her ankle. Lila has no sympathy. Jessica sneaks into Lucas’s room while Lila is skiing in the morning; they end up kissing. Lila then shows up and tries to lock Jessica in the bathroom; they scream at each other about the bet and using Lucas. He, being in the room, hears them and leaves.
That evening, Liz is downstairs, crying to Dirk about Todd and his cheating ways. Dirk begins to massage her neck… and he kisses her. Just then – Todd comes into the room!! Todd rushes out, and now he won’t listen to Liz apologize or explain.
Enid finally tells Liz about the book. They laugh. Enid then says that all she wants to do is roast marshmallows, so that’s what she’s going to do now and maybe she’ll meet someone that way.
Todd and Liz finally talk, and they realize they were both idiots. They kiss. Dirk and The Cougar show up; The Cougar apologizes because she thought “Todd was a big boy”. Dirk tells them that he and The Cougar have decided to skip the Welcome Back Todd party. They’re clearly together, and Dirk, unlike Todd, is apparently a Big Boy.
Jess and Lila declare a truce and wander down to the party, where they see Enid with Lucas! This guy gets around. Enid is placing a toasted marshmallow on Lucas’s tongue. Hot? They decide to tell everyone that they both dumped Lucas first.
The blurb for the next book (apparently #123, even though this is a super edition) states that Liz is going to find a new romance. Yawn. That happens in every damn book!