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Elizabeth and Jessica are better than you. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Elizabeth and Jessica are better than you.

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[sticky post] Admin: Recap List [Jan. 22nd, 2013|09:56 pm]
Elizabeth and Jessica are better than you.

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I would like to find a new place to host the list of completed recaps because ours is now too long for LiveJournal, and we can't add to it. I was making additions on the website for a time, but that's gone now too.

Books that have not been recapped are just numbers, have not been done (To save space, since LJ has a limit, I removed the TV and misc recaps--they can still be found in our profile--and I have stopped linking additional recaps of the same books.)

Please let me know if I am missing any recaps you've done or read!

Below the CutCollapse )
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SVH TV Episode 3.20: Crimes and Cappuccinos [Dec. 12th, 2012|05:34 pm]
Elizabeth and Jessica are better than you.

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[Current Music |Bob Dylan -- "One More Cup Of Coffee"]

100% brutal honesty: this post happened by accident. It happened because I got drunk with some friends and we watched The Breakfast Club. Watching The Breakfast Club (which takes place almost entirely in a school library) made me think of that One Tree Hill episode where Jimmy shot up the school and Peyton and Lucas hid in the library. Thinking of that made me think of the rest of the episode, including what went on in the tutor centre, which made me think of Danneel Harris...

The one who got beat down by pregnant Haley, yes.

...but; for the life of me, I could not remember the name of the character she played. I literally have six seasons of that damned show on DVD, but couldn't remember that stupid redheaded cheerleader's name. So I Googled it, and it turns out that Danneel Harris is now known as Danneel Ackles. And I know what you're thinking; and you're bang on the money -- Danneel Harris is legit married to Jensen Ackles. Who was recently (recently in this case meaning twenty years ago) in an episode of Sweet Valley High. That I of course recapped, because I am a person who recaps episodes of Sweet Valley High.

And so in a very meta way, I decided to acknowledge the coincidence and write a recap that has nothing to do with The Breakfast Club or Danneel Harris/Ackles simply because of that tenuous link. Because tenuous links to pop culture (and, indeed, reality) are exactly what this TV show is about. Let's move on, before we get way, waaaay too meta and our heads explode.

And Lila gets kidnapped! Probably should have mentioned that earlier...Collapse )


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Episode 3.21: Search For Liz [Nov. 8th, 2012|08:09 pm]
Elizabeth and Jessica are better than you.

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[Current Music |Queen - "Those Are The Days of Our Lives"]

Let me begin this recap by saying that I am unable to find a suitable unit of measurement (metric or otherwise) that accurately conveys the awesomeness within. It's one of those trippy fantasy ones, like my all-time favourite Uh-Oh Seven, except instead of spy novels, they're spoofing soap operas. I love everything about it.

the catch

So many Todd screencaps today. When life gives me Todd, I make Toddenade.Collapse )
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SVH TV Episode 4.18: Swing Time [Sep. 7th, 2012|05:51 pm]
Elizabeth and Jessica are better than you.

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[Current Music |"Sultans of Swing" -- Dire Straits]

It's back to the fourth season today, for one reason and one reason only -- this episode is so booktastic. It's not based on any of the old-school plots per se, but it's got a ton of elements that I remember loving the books for, and that's good enough for me.

The other day, I realised that this could actually be a good show if they recast it with thirteen-year-olds, aimed it at nine-year-olds, and played it on the Disney Channel. It's just a bit of wacky fun. There's nothing inherently teenagery about it. Then, as though to mock me, they make this episode. If they were being honest, the title of it would be Sex: Who's Having It, and How Far Will People Go To Get It?

Some people even print business cards to get it.Collapse )
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SVH TV Episode 3.17: All Along the Water Tower [Jul. 27th, 2012|08:53 pm]
Elizabeth and Jessica are better than you.

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[Current Music |"Hoedown Throwdown" -- Miley Cyrus]

Today's return to recapping was inspired by one of my favourite terrible 80s/90s sitcoms, Head of the Class. An SVH book (When Love Dies) turned up in the oddest of places -- in the hands of Eric, the show's leather-clad Zuko-lite. Don't believe me? See for yourselves.


This man would go on to direct Norbit.


True story, by the way. Eric from Simone-and-Eric grew up to become Brian Robbins, one third of the producing holy trinity that is Tollin/Robbins/Davola. (Smallville and One Tree Hill, anybody?) Freakin' Eric even directed Varsity Blues! And also Norbit. Can't stress that enough.

This episode has nothing to do with anything I've been rambling about, though. I just thought I'd save you the trip to IMDb.

Jensen Ackles! Jensen Ackles is here!Collapse )

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SVH TV Episode 4.11: Rumble in the Valley [Apr. 6th, 2012|09:38 pm]
Elizabeth and Jessica are better than you.

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[Current Music |"40 Days, 40 Fights" -- Badly Drawn Boy]

Finally, the war in a fictitious Southern Californian public school district comes to its inevitable conclusion -- with a good old-fashioned rumble. Before we go any further, some backstory for those who might have not read the first two recaps:

Sweet Valley hates Big Mesa. Big Mesa hates Sweet Valley. Todd Wilkins hates Christian Gorman. Christian Gorman loves Jessica Wakefield. Elizabeth Wakefield claims to love Devon Whitelaw, but really loves Todd Wilkins. Devon Whitelaw hates Todd Wilkins. Devon Whitelaw also hates Christian Gorman. Devon Whitelaw hates everybody, basically. And hellobrisvegas loves loves loves these freakin' episodes.

Also, at some point in the episodes preceding this, Todd yelled. At nobody in particular. I like to think he yelled at life, just to show it he could.



Last week, we saw Devon cement himself as this season"s Big Bad by grabbing Liz"s arm and refusing to let Todd and Christian sign a peace treaty. This week, he totally redeems himself in my eyes.Collapse )
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SVH TV Episode 4.10: West Coast Story Part 2 [Mar. 4th, 2012|05:24 pm]
Elizabeth and Jessica are better than you.

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[Current Music |"Why Can't We Be Friends?" -- Smash Mouth]

Previously on Sweet Valley High: Sweet Valley and Palisades Big Mesa began their High School War. Jessica started dating Christian Gorman, the leader of the Big Mesa gang. Elizabeth continued to date Devon Whitelaw, who last week went all Lima Heights Adjacent on a BM guy who messed with his motorbike. Meanwhile, Todd went all Lima Heights Adjacent on absolutely everyone in sight, especially Christian, and got carted off to the big house. Also, we were introduced to a tertiary character who looked like Brad Pitt. I named him Brad Pitt, and I only mention this now because it feels like a good segue for a Brad Pitt screencap.

So worth it.

So many death threats, so little time.Collapse )


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SVH TV Episode 4.09: West Coast Story (Part 1) [Feb. 8th, 2012|11:04 pm]
Elizabeth and Jessica are better than you.

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[Current Music |"Fightstarter Karaoke" -- Dropkick Murphys]

Today's episode comes from season four, and you know why? Because it's one of the many episodes to come that are based on my personal favourite SVH book miniseries, the Betrayal collection with the Sweet Valley/Palisades brouhaha. Or as I like to call it, the Let's Call Each Other Absurd Names, Beat The Crap Out Of Everyone And Then Die From A Pool-Push miniseries. Unfortunately, the TV writers didn't bring back Bruce for it, which is disappointing, because he was only the best thing about that particular arc.

Apart from the plethora of Toddpunches, that is.

Embarrassing confession: I loved The High School War so much that I stole it from my high-school library. Not in an 'I conveniently forgot to bring it back' kind of way, either. I went into the library one day, waited for my chance, and then left with it without checking it out. Stole it in the literal sense. I'm so ashamed. (But hey -- it only cost them three dollars, and my parents paid way more than that in school fees, so it's not really stealing.)

Fans of rageaholic Todd, consider this your belated Christmas present.Collapse )

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SVH TV Episode 3.12: Lofty Ambitions [Jun. 18th, 2011|11:17 pm]
Elizabeth and Jessica are better than you.

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[Current Music |"I Just Want The Girl In The Blue Dress To Keep On Dancing" -- Mike Doughty]

And we're back again with another delightful instalment of season three Sweet Valley fun. Since some braniac decided that these episodes wouldn't be as self-contained as the first two seasons, here's some catch-up: last week, Jessica met the bastardised TV version of AJ Morgan (played by Power Rangers star Jason David Frank) and discovered that she can't quite wrap him around her little finger like all the other men in Sweet Valley.

Before we get into it, I have something I'd like to share with you to get you into the Jason David Frank spirit. Here's an interview with him in his White Ranger days in one of my favourite childhood magazines, Disney Adventures -- the very same magazine that declares our favourite book series to be 'unkewl' in their coveted Ins & Outs section.(Please don't ask me where I find this stuff.) Super rude, Stonewall Middle School. Also worth noting, JDF mentions in that interview with (presumably) a straight face that he thinks that the Power Rangers movie should win an Oscar, despite the seemingly obvious handicap of it being the damn Power Rangers movie. Now, the original Ninja Turtles movie? That's a horse of a different colour.

Now to this week's episode. And you guys, this episode. How do I even begin to describe this insanely hilarious episode? Let's just say that Jessica becomes a doormat of Elizabeth proportions, Enid becomes a raging lunatic of Todd proportions, and Winston becomes a prankster of season one Bruce Patman proportions. We've got it all here tonight, folks.


Also, Lila holds an egg for 3/4 of her screen time.Collapse )
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SVH TV Episode 3.11: Rock Around The Block [May. 5th, 2011|06:24 pm]
Elizabeth and Jessica are better than you.

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[Current Music |"My Band" -- D-12]

Hello again, fellow 1bruce1-ers! You'll never believe it, but I seemed to have found time between downing an obscene amount of royal wedding champagne and devouring the lion's share of Easter chocolate to actually write a recap. (Two, in fact!) And announcement time -- this show's gotten good again. It lagged there for a while, with that whole Elizabeth/Todd breakup thing and all the random Peter nonsense. Gah, what was that? Anyway, I've skipped a couple of episodes and gotten straight to the good stuff. And by that, I mean...

...the introduction of AJ Morgan.

Hells yeah! Anyone who's a fan of the books (which I'm assuming is all of you, since this is a Sweet Valley High appreciation community, and what are you doing here if you're not a fan of the books?) will remember that AJ was the yummy Georgian ginger with whom Jessica had a brief relationship before discovering that she, much like the late Liz Taylor, can't give herself exclusively to the one man. That's not how she rolls. AJ also had the distinction of being one of the few species of Jessica boyfriend that didn't become extinct long before its time. Like, he didn't even die once.


Now that I"ve filled you all in, let"s forget all of this important information and see how the TV show butchers this character.Collapse )
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