Elizabeth and Jessica are better than you. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Elizabeth and Jessica are better than you.

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

[sticky post] Admin: Recap List [Jan. 22nd, 2013|09:56 pm]

[Tags|, , ]

I would like to find a new place to host the list of completed recaps because ours is now too long for LiveJournal, and we can't add to it. I was making additions on the website for a time, but that's gone now too.

Books that have not been recapped are just numbers, have not been done (To save space, since LJ has a limit, I removed the TV and misc recaps--they can still be found in our profile--and I have stopped linking additional recaps of the same books.)

Please let me know if I am missing any recaps you've done or read!

Below the CutCollapse )
Link18 comments|Leave a comment

SVU #16: The Other Woman [May. 27th, 2013|11:34 pm]

[Tags|, , , , , , , , , , , ]
[Current Music |"Making Love Out Of Nothing At All" -- Air Supply]

The Other Woman has already been done, but I can't not recap this. I can't not. It's impossible for me to not. This was my ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE book in the SVU series when I was a kid, because A) Jessica has sex, which I always thought was scandalous whenever it happened; 2) Elizabeth's reporting puts her in danger; and 3) because Bruce and Lila.

Check out this guy on the cover. This guy is Louis Miles, Jessica's sex-crazed professor, and there is no possible way he is anything but a serial killer. Look at that jacket. That hideous jacket has elbow patches too, I'm sure of it. Serial killer elbow patches.

Also, there's a globe in the background. I can't remember what Professor Louis is a professor of, but it had better be a globey thing. Even just a Professor of Globes will do.
When choosing a married professor to bang, stay away from the crazies.Collapse )
Link9 comments|Leave a comment

SVU #51: Living Together [Apr. 24th, 2013|10:42 pm]

[Tags|, , , , , , , ]
[Current Music |Styx -- "Lorelei (Let's Live Together)"]

So guess what, you guys? Jessica and Elizabeth are starting their sophomore year at SVU, despite the fact that there have been four summers since the damn series began. Yes, four summers. That's not my fancy, facetious way of saying that SVU went on  too long. There are literally four miniseries that specifically take place during summer. And a thriller edition that took place at the very end of one of the summers, but not the latest summer, because Jess was still living at the Theta house. Who knows, it could've even been a fifth summer!


I like this cover. Jessica looks strangely like one of those overly made-up toddlers whose horrid mothers enter them in beauty pageants.  Liz looks hawt and not particularly toddler-like.

What is a duplex, anyway? Is that like a townhouse?Collapse )
Link22 comments|Leave a comment

SVU #50: Summer of Love [Feb. 12th, 2013|02:30 pm]

[Tags|, , , , , , , , , , , , , ]
[Current Music |"One Way Or Another" -- Blondie]

Truth be told, I went to retrieve this book from my local op shop for one reason and one reason only: I had to know how the ghostwriter was going to sum up the, er, events of the last book. I mean, Tom showed his undercarriage to a stadium full of unsuspecting Chicagoans, and I could simply not live another day without knowing how they were going to explain what they made him do. Spoiler: they don't explain, at all. Instead of rehashing all the crazy shit Tom did last time, they decided to just make him do more crazy shit in this one.

The thing that really pushed me over the edge is the blurb for the C plot: "Tom Watts and Todd Wilkins -- best buddies? Absolutely!" Read into that: Tom and Todd, the untapped comedy resource of the century, will be buddy-vibin' again in this book! Sold, Francine. Sold.

summer of love

That's Liz and (presumably) Sam frolicking up there on the cover. Bonus fact: I Googled Sam's Secret Love Diary to see whether or not they used the same cover model for both, and noticed in the image search that the picture they use for Jessica on her Love Diary is from this shoot. Having recapped a ridiculous amount of TV episodes, I'm an expert at telling the Daniel twins apart (also, they're not identical), and I've no doubt that it's Cynthia Daniel up there...which means that they put a picture of Elizabeth on the front cover of Jessica's Love Diary. Talk about a spotlight-hog.

Bonus fact #2: I went to the 1bruce1 recap of Jessica's Secret Love Diary to see if anyone else noticed, and apparently this is information I already knew:


Weird. The Ghost of Hellobrisvegas Past would be terribly upset that I don't listen when she talks. Or even types.

Tom Watts, we hardly knew ye.Collapse )

Link18 comments|Leave a comment

SVU #49: Stranded [Jan. 31st, 2013|10:49 pm]

[Tags|, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ]
[Current Music |'Hitching A Ride' -- Vanity Fare]

So this book is the second in the Road Trip miniseries, which sees the Wakefields join an Amazing Race-style televised competition across America in Winnebagos full of college students from all corners of the country. This is the miniseries that introduces us to Liz's new love interest/worst enemy Sam Burgess, and also Jessica's fabulous gay best friend, Neil Martin.


A very important note: the first book is tedious. (But the recap is masterful.) The first chapter of this book is also tedious. Then, out of nowhere, it gets uncharacteristically awesome. There is hardly any plot to speak of, but somehow hilarity well and truly ensues...and not to spoil anything for you, but for that we can thank Elvis Presley and two young gentlemen with the initials T.W.


Fun game: see if you can guess in which famous landmark Jessica has sex.Collapse )

Link21 comments|Leave a comment

SVH TV Episode 3.20: Crimes and Cappuccinos [Dec. 12th, 2012|05:34 pm]

[Tags|, , , , , , , , ]
[Current Music |Bob Dylan -- "One More Cup Of Coffee"]

100% brutal honesty: this post happened by accident. It happened because I got drunk with some friends and we watched The Breakfast Club. Watching The Breakfast Club (which takes place almost entirely in a school library) made me think of that One Tree Hill episode where Jimmy shot up the school and Peyton and Lucas hid in the library. Thinking of that made me think of the rest of the episode, including what went on in the tutor centre, which made me think of Danneel Harris...

The one who got beat down by pregnant Haley, yes.

...but; for the life of me, I could not remember the name of the character she played. I literally have six seasons of that damned show on DVD, but couldn't remember that stupid redheaded cheerleader's name. So I Googled it, and it turns out that Danneel Harris is now known as Danneel Ackles. And I know what you're thinking; and you're bang on the money -- Danneel Harris is legit married to Jensen Ackles. Who was recently (recently in this case meaning twenty years ago) in an episode of Sweet Valley High. That I of course recapped, because I am a person who recaps episodes of Sweet Valley High.

And so in a very meta way, I decided to acknowledge the coincidence and write a recap that has nothing to do with The Breakfast Club or Danneel Harris/Ackles simply because of that tenuous link. Because tenuous links to pop culture (and, indeed, reality) are exactly what this TV show is about. Let's move on, before we get way, waaaay too meta and our heads explode.

And Lila gets kidnapped! Probably should have mentioned that earlier...Collapse )


Link5 comments|Leave a comment

Episode 3.21: Search For Liz [Nov. 8th, 2012|08:09 pm]

[Tags|, , , , , , , , , , ]
[Current Music |Queen - "Those Are The Days of Our Lives"]

Let me begin this recap by saying that I am unable to find a suitable unit of measurement (metric or otherwise) that accurately conveys the awesomeness within. It's one of those trippy fantasy ones, like my all-time favourite Uh-Oh Seven, except instead of spy novels, they're spoofing soap operas. I love everything about it.

the catch

So many Todd screencaps today. When life gives me Todd, I make Toddenade.Collapse )
Link10 comments|Leave a comment

SVH TV Episode 4.18: Swing Time [Sep. 7th, 2012|05:51 pm]

[Tags|, , , , , , , , , , ]
[Current Music |"Sultans of Swing" -- Dire Straits]

It's back to the fourth season today, for one reason and one reason only -- this episode is so booktastic. It's not based on any of the old-school plots per se, but it's got a ton of elements that I remember loving the books for, and that's good enough for me.

The other day, I realised that this could actually be a good show if they recast it with thirteen-year-olds, aimed it at nine-year-olds, and played it on the Disney Channel. It's just a bit of wacky fun. There's nothing inherently teenagery about it. Then, as though to mock me, they make this episode. If they were being honest, the title of it would be Sex: Who's Having It, and How Far Will People Go To Get It?

Some people even print business cards to get it.Collapse )
Link14 comments|Leave a comment

SVH TV Episode 3.17: All Along the Water Tower [Jul. 27th, 2012|08:53 pm]

[Tags|, , , , , , , ]
[Current Music |"Hoedown Throwdown" -- Miley Cyrus]

Today's return to recapping was inspired by one of my favourite terrible 80s/90s sitcoms, Head of the Class. An SVH book (When Love Dies) turned up in the oddest of places -- in the hands of Eric, the show's leather-clad Zuko-lite. Don't believe me? See for yourselves.


This man would go on to direct Norbit.


True story, by the way. Eric from Simone-and-Eric grew up to become Brian Robbins, one third of the producing holy trinity that is Tollin/Robbins/Davola. (Smallville and One Tree Hill, anybody?) Freakin' Eric even directed Varsity Blues! And also Norbit. Can't stress that enough.

This episode has nothing to do with anything I've been rambling about, though. I just thought I'd save you the trip to IMDb.

Jensen Ackles! Jensen Ackles is here!Collapse )

Link24 comments|Leave a comment

SVH TV Episode 4.11: Rumble in the Valley [Apr. 6th, 2012|09:38 pm]

[Tags|, , , , , , , ]
[Current Music |"40 Days, 40 Fights" -- Badly Drawn Boy]

Finally, the war in a fictitious Southern Californian public school district comes to its inevitable conclusion -- with a good old-fashioned rumble. Before we go any further, some backstory for those who might have not read the first two recaps:

Sweet Valley hates Big Mesa. Big Mesa hates Sweet Valley. Todd Wilkins hates Christian Gorman. Christian Gorman loves Jessica Wakefield. Elizabeth Wakefield claims to love Devon Whitelaw, but really loves Todd Wilkins. Devon Whitelaw hates Todd Wilkins. Devon Whitelaw also hates Christian Gorman. Devon Whitelaw hates everybody, basically. And hellobrisvegas loves loves loves these freakin' episodes.

Also, at some point in the episodes preceding this, Todd yelled. At nobody in particular. I like to think he yelled at life, just to show it he could.



Last week, we saw Devon cement himself as this season's Big Bad by grabbing Liz's arm and refusing to let Todd and Christian sign a peace treaty. This week, he totally redeems himself in my eyes.Collapse )
Link8 comments|Leave a comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]