OK this is my very first recap! I grew up on Sweet Valley so I’m excited to bring you Sweet Valley Confidential 10 years later! Im gonna have to do this in two parts. This will be a long one since its full of craziness and catching up!
We open on Elizabeth in New York unlocking a stereotypical amount of prison locks on a door to an apartment. She is already all full of angst and upset as she is comparing her hurt to a Maserati (What?!?) She has some guy named David with her who apparently is oblivious to her throwing her FAKE Prada bag, they have to point this out since St. Liz would never stoop to spending a ton of money on a real one. The reason she is already in a tizzy is the answering machine, which she says is a gift from her mom to make her feel safer (okay, cause the industrial locks don’t), clicks on and we hear a female voice which is and I quote “That Voice, so heavy with love. Love me, it said, forgive me, so I can put you out of the way and get back to my own life.” Heavy stuff. She doesn’t want to answer it and gets back to getting wine for her and this David guy. He remarks how it’s weird that the voice sounded just like Liz! Wow didn’t see that coming (Sarcasm). Liz thinks she is pathetic because she sometimes takes a moment to figure out which twin is she in a family portrait…seriously. There is a paragraph about a scratchy chair…boring. Turns out David is her boss, and she works at some off Broadway magazine. We find out she is now 27 and she spent her birthday alone, oh Liz how you have not changed over the years. There is a whole internal struggle about how she doesn’t want to sleep with her boss, but he has a nice body, yet she doesn’t feel like sleeping with him (again I say what?) Turns out she has only slept with one guy in the 8 months she’s been in the city, some guy named Russ Klein, and they make it a point to say she cried after every orgasm (how romantic) and he pretended not to notice cause he’s a sociopath. He eventually decided she was too much of a basket case for him and left. She does a little more angsting and decides not to have sex with David. Finally we get the description of the gorgeous eyes that are shades of aqua, silky blonde hair, and no mention of their size but that there is not a thing wrong with their figures. She puts on an old SVU shirt and lays on the couch feeling abandoned and alone. She then thinks about her best friend GASP! Its Bruce Patman!! Now we get a little flashback of when Liz liked Todd Wilkins in high school and Jessica tried to take him first. Then back to reality when liz thinks Jess is a heartless Bitch. (wow, what took you so long Liz?)
Now we are on Jessica in Sweet Valley talking to Todd about how she emails, calls, texts, and Facebooks Liz and she never answers. Now we find out that Todd and Jessica live together and that he is in love with her! (What…but…Todd…Liz….What?) So Jessica being selfish somehow fucked over Liz the pushover again, and can’t understand why she won’t forgive her? Todd is a sports writer for the paper, and still looks like the high school basketball star he had been. Todd thinks about how the twins are completely different and how Elizabeth was unique and he had loved her and that he wasn’t sure how this happened with Jess, but he doesn’t care and doesn’t want to find out, cause he loves her now. We find out Jessica was married (again) to some guy named Regan Wollman, and that Todd was going to marry Liz, even though he had betrayed her. Jessica is going on about how everyone hates them, and they are supposed to go to Lilas for something. Back to the flashback, now in Jessica’s point of view. In her flashback she can’t understand why Liz is suddenly so desirable to all these guys. (Bitch) She has some kind of internal conversation about how people think she is conceited and selfish but she just has to look that way so they don’t see she is vulnerable and insecure and total mush (really?). Back in the present Jess is actually feeling guilt about the awful things she did to Elizabeth back in the day. Todd and Jess fret over what they did and how they can fix it, should we break up Todd says, alas no they will never lose each other no matter what!!!!
They go to LIlas, where we find out she is married to Ken Mathews who Lila is separated from but, he is always there anyways. We get a description of Lila and how she is no different than when she was in high school, and just as rich and snobby as ever. There is a small mention of a boob job, but other than that lila has not done much since dropping out of college. Caroline Pierce the “Perez Hilton of sweet Valley” is there, and is a cancer survivor. Jeffery French (now a dentist) and his unnamed wife, A.J. Morgan who was apparently secretly dating recovering alcoholic and apparently arrogant Dr. Enid Rollins. Robin Wilson a successful Food Critic who Jess was excited to see was also there. Caroline makes a move to grill Jessica about her relationship with liz and Todd, but Todd seeing his beloved being cornered swoops in to rescue her. Jessica attacks Lila for inviting her when Caroline was going to be there to ambush her, and her and Todd promptly leave.
Back in New York Elizabeth goes to review a play written by one Will Connolly who yells at her to get out. Before she flees like a chicken one of the producers tells her to stay. She watches some auditions and Will is a jerk for the most part, when the lights come up she is surprised to see he looks like….wait for it…..Todd.
Elizabeth is depressing over weather Todd really ever loved her, what would have happened if they had gotten married, Who knew about the affair and didn’t tell her, analyzing why she didn’t know. UGG… Anyway…
Flashback! SVU Senior year Elizabeth is sick and can’t go to some stupid party that apparently stars Todd and he won’t go without her. So Liz is trying to convince Jess to do a twin switch. Jess being Jess doesn’t want to go because it will be full of “short and dumpy” people (does this still surprise anyone?). Already having talked Todd into this she finally gets Jessica to agree by bribing her. Why can’t he just go alone, or post pone the stupid party or something (geez).
Back to present Liz is still moping about how she couldn’t see anything going on with them. We get this little Gem “She’d always thought of herself as moral, ethical and compassionate, and –possibly somewhat immodestly- as one of the better people.” Well now. Now all she can think about is revenge. She envisions all the ways to destroy Jessica which include shouting insults at them during there wedding, and writing a letter to Jess describing her sex with Todd while he was cheating on her with Jessica so also cheating on Jessica with her…(OMG).
In Sweet Valley Jessica can’t sleep wondering if her ruined sister relationship was worth it for Todd. She looks over at Todd and decides it was.
Flashback! The party! Jessica feels weird getting into Todd’s car which she feels is weird because she’s been in his car before. They sit in uncomfortable silence after trying to make small talk till they get to the party. Of course everyone mistakes her for Liz and she goes with it instead of saying hey im just filling in! Todd seems to think this is some kind of fun joke and smiles at Jess and lets her pretend. They start holding hands and having fun “pretending” to be a perfect couple. Jess is getting drunk and starts to notice how “Sexy” Todd actually is. Jessica is thinking about how she doesn’t keep boyfriends for long and for a sec thinks about the craziness with Mike McAllery. She thinks about how Elizabeth is luckier than she knows with Todd. When they get back in the car the air goes cold, and they are distant again. Todd eventually breaks the silence by commenting on how no one questioned that she was liz, they begin to rehash the night and joke around. Todd touches Jessicas hand and that sets off the passionate kissing session in the car. He asks her back to his room, Jessica agrees and neither says anything for the rest of the ride. They do the whole kissing up the stairs can’t stay away from eachother thing and fall naked into the bed. They have a steamy month long affair where Jessica swears everyday she won’t go meet him until noon when she can’t stand it and has to go (rolling my eyes).
Back in the present Jess is making some kind of crazy sound that wakes Todd and alerts him to her pain (give me a break) and tells him she was in the memory of the month that eventually destroyed Liz.
Flashback! We are now in Todds head in that month where hes waiting to meet Jess in their Diner. Where we learn that they don’t even have sex just meet cause they are so incredibly in love!! Whatever, oh and she never once looks like liz to him.
Another Jessica flashback where Winston almost blows the relationship up to liz in the college library but figures out the affair and saves the moment.
Liz is back in the theater (boring) after working up the courage due to the Todd Clone Will. A bunch of stuff about her job and her writing, blah, and how she disappears before the lunch break so she doesn’t have to talk to Todd Clone Will. Because Will does something stupid and gets mad he leaves, and Liz follows him so she can watch him get a talking to from the director of the play. Elizabeth notices and chats up the hot bartender while waiting in the bar for the “talking-to” Todd Clone notices her and starts being a dick again asking her what she wants. She goes off on him telling him hes a pain in the ass. He backs down and smiles at her (really?). They start talking about why hes being an asshole (boring), something to do with an ex named Wendy (yawn). Liz is happy to see that Todd Clones eyes are blue not todds brown. We find out that this bartender is Liam O’Connor. Liz proceeds to get drunk with will/Todd Clone and goes back to his apartment with him and has another drink they talk for a while, kiss, do not have sex liz is home by late afternoon. When she gets home she talks to her mom on the phone, there has been several mentions of the girls talking to or avoiding mom calls in this book. I guess they finally realized the twins now adults need parental supervision of some sort. Alice is trying to get her to come home for her grandmothers birthday. Elizabeth tries to get Todd Clone to go with her but alas Will cannot leave his play to run off to California next week with a girl he just met and made out with today. He suggests she take Liam because its just the kind of guy Jess would normally go for, and could cause some conflict. Liz being a dumbass sometimes thinks this is a great idea.
Back in Sweet Valley Jess thinks there is no way Liz is coming to the dinner for her grandmother, or the wedding (why would she go to the wedding?!). They still hope she will forgive them.
Flashback! 8 months before in France. Jessica is talking to Liz about leaving Regan her husband, and Liz is coming to get her. In typical Jessica Fashion she has decided shes done with this whole marriage and thought it was gonna be all fun and dancing the whole time. Elizabeth had told her that there was something dark about Regan and Jess didn’t listen and now she thinks so too and wants out. Jessica thought marrying Regan would make her forget about Todd and the feelings she had and the month of badness in Senior year at SVU, it worked for a little while. Regan turns out to be a really jealous and controlling husband and Jess wants to leave and go home, only problem, Todd lives with Liz and she has to face him. She plans an elaborate escape from Regan that doesn’t seem necessary and thinks about how soon she will be safe in Lizzies arms.
Present Day Jess is moping about her ruined relationship with Liz (Boo Freaking Hoo).
Elizabeth goes back to the bar named the Wicked Teapot (once again I say Really?) to talk to Liam. They talk about how there both from California and his stupid wanna be acting career, she realizes there is a “friendly” comfortableness. It comes up he wants to visit his parents, so she brings up the dinner. He agrees. Liz goes home and has second thoughts about bringing Liam and then thinks maybe its better to make Jess cheat now since she will never be faithful to anyone anyway (Whoa more dark thoughts from Liz).
Flashback! Back to 8 months ago when Liz is waiting for Jess to get back to sweet Valley, this is weird cause I swore she told Jess not to do anything till she went there, but whatever. Todd Made some stupid Welcome Home Jess Banner and Cara who is married to Steven left a cake on the counter because she bakes her feelings. Apparently Steven is an incurable wanderer when it comes to women (having already read the sweet life series I know why!). Apparently Winston has become a rich A-hole that no one likes anymore. Elizabeth reflects on a time during their senior year when her and Todd had an emotional distance (now what could that have been from?) This was also the time when Liz started becoming besties with Bruce. Liz thinks everything is great now and she is waiting for the most important in her life to appear….
Back in the present Liz thinks how stupid she was to think that she would be there for Jessica then, and never again.
We hear about Jessica’s P.R. Job with a green cosmetics company which she loves. Jessica is invited by her boss who has the hots for her, to grab some champagne to celebrate some work thing, she texts Todd and tells him she’s stuck in a meeting (still our lying Jessica!). She feels bad about it for a second. She thinks about how Michael her boss is Jessica Wakefield Material and continues to feel guilty about lying to Todd, she thinks about how if she gave up Todd and went back to old Jessica that maybe she could have Liz back in time. After a few moments Jess realizes that nothing but the love she has for Todd matters, she thanks Michael and leaves. She cries after she realizes she just gave up Elizabeth again (OMG you fucked up! Get over it and realize you’ve lost her).
Flashback! Elizabeth picking up Jess at the airport after she left Regan! Elizabeth not knowing Jess is feeling guilty over her love for Todd is chatting away about their wedding plans. Elizabeth says how she wasn’t sure it was going to happen once because there was a weird shadow on their relationship but its passed (dummy). Jessica sees Todd when she goes in the house and has a moment, but gets over it and plays her part. Jessica and Todd try to avoid each other, which is difficult because Jessica has no life at the moment and Todd apparently writes from home. Dun Dun Dunnnnnn! LOL I love this quote from the book “Perhaps, if Elizabeth had looked more closely or been less Elizabeth… but of course, that was impossible. Though she was always observant, when It came to her sister, her acute observation was blinded by and unconditional love that no one should have after the age of five.” Right on for once! You would think after all the times Jessica tried to steal a guy from Liz she would see this coming… Oh well back to the story. Liz being Liz thinks all the tension has to do with them being jealous of each other for Liz’s attention (cause you know). Then she thinks about how she would never betray Jess and Jess would never betray her (again? Or at all?)
Todd present day SV, going for a run. He sees Ken and waits for him and they run together awkwardly both thinking about their problems but not talking about them, Ken does bring up Lila and the “separation” saying he’s doing what he wants until Lila tells him different (oh Ken…). Anyway they blab on about Lila, and high school and feelings, and Todd thinks hey Lila and Jess are a lot alike.
Flashback! Todd annoyed by Jessica’s ranting about leaving Regan and trying to avoid her for several reasons. He tries to tell himself he’s totally over her, but she still makes him uncomfortable. He thinks shes filed it away as a nothing fling in the past. He hears noises from Jessica’s room so he runs out the door to his car and leaves, but as he’s driving realizes he has a deadline and needs to finish his article so grabs a coffee and heads back. He goes off about how Jessica there makes him work harder because he avoids her and then the writers throw in some crap about watching porn in his office instead (what? Porn in sweet valley no!!!). He sees jess in the kitchen, and what does Todd do? He has to “Force” himself to think about when he had made love to Elizabeth that morning, to not think about Jessica (ewwww and what a catch!). He ends up accidently startling jess and thinks it’s funny. Then they have a weird uncomfortable moment where they insult each other and he goes to his office.
So back to Todd and Ken running. Good Conversation the rest of the run cause “Guys can do that” that’s a direct quote.
Jessica thinking about how clean and safe sweet valley is (aside from all those pesky kidnappers and murderous psychos running around). Thinking about that stupid Todd flashback again.
Flashback! They throw some insults at eachother then he leaves. She gets mad as Jess does and follows him. Instead of opening the door and talking though she goes to her room and grabs her purse and leaves, she runs into Caroline in the front yard looking for Liz or Todd, Jessica storms past her after a couple words and gets into her rented Mustang. She starts angsting about Todd hating her. She also starts thinking about how its weird that Regan hasn’t even called to see why she left, and its creepy and that he may try to come get her. Shes thinking about how shes selfish and needs the world to revolve around her and having a pity party about it. She decides 27 is too late to change (really…REALLY!) She decides her best quality is that she loves Elizabeth (again I think its only when its convenient as is normal in sociopaths). She tries to find Lila shes not home, so she assumes she is out screwing someone (great bff thoughts). Blah Blah Blah Steven is a cheater…Blah Blah Blah Sweet Valley memories while looking at the town. It’s a georgious sunny day (SURPRISE!) So finally after the aimless thoughts and wandering around she goes to the beach. So she spies a hunk on the beach its Steven. (yes she said hes a hunk even if hes her brother. Gross.) She sees him with someone and thinks its Lila. Jess goes over to say hi and OMG its Aaron Dallas a boy! Shocker!!! Steven is Gay. He freaks out for a sec when he realizes its Jess and asks what she will do. She says nothing hes disappointed shes not liz and says he just figured this out himself. She assures him she’ll keep it to herself and she loves him. Steven goes on in his thoughts about being gay and how he thinks now that Jess knows he will be outed and his life as he knows it destroyed. He thinks about how he fell for Aaron blah blah blah, Stevens gay hes happy with Aaron YAY! Next.
Jessica is already trying to “Help” Steven so in Jessica way that means mess things up really bad. She decides to get involved and tell Cara, thinking that the selfish twin is going to do something totally unselfish and caring (this is not going to end well). She will free him and they will thank her in the long run, ah jess can’t you just let Steven handle this. She goes to the Heights to Stevens’s house. Cara is baking again. Cara’s face lights up till she realizes its Jess. Poor Jess can’t measure up to St. Liz. Jessica approaches Stevens’s weekend work habits and Cara tries to avoid the subject jess pushes and tells her.
Liz back in the stupid theater I forgot about this part. Rehearsal goes well, Todd Clone/Will smiles at her. They go to lunch St. Liz uses the “F” Word! She fills him in on the bringing Liam home thing, and he says it’s a bad I dea and he only said that it would be a good play, not to actually do it. He says its sleazy to actually try to set up Jess like that. She tries to say she just doesn’t want to go alone it’s not like that. He says she is not fooling him and it’s a cruel thing to do (Someone actually sees through the Sainthood of Elizabeth Wakefield!? Not POSSIBLE). They fight she says Fuck you! (yup that happened) and leaves. She gets home and Bruce calls, she tells him she’s bringing someone to her grandmas dinner and he is not happy. He hangs up on her cause shes being a bitch. Bruce is angsting over Liz in Sweet Valley…blah blah blah bruce is rich… Hes feeling his friendship with Liz is threatened. A bit on his past about being a popular party animal in high school, coasting through college until we find out his parents were killed in a car accident his senior year in college and changed his life. He has a flashback about Liz coming to sit with him and there BFFness being born. He of course fell in love with her. We find out Bruce saw Todd and Jessica at that diner senior year and still keeps it secret. Later in another flashback, the time when Jess is staying with Liz after leaving Regan, Bruce takes liz out for Pizza and is about to tell her when Ken bursts in to the restaurant announcing Winston is DEAD!
How does Liz find out?! Does she forgive Jess eventually? Will Ken and Lila get back together? What happened to Winston? Find out in Part 2 Coming soon!!!