Elizabeth's Secret Diary Volume II (Part One) – “Read this recap at your own risk!"

The pink volume warns me “Open at your own risk!” Obviously Elizabeth herself realises that perhaps this diary might contradict her constant self-righteous facade and thus lead us into morally confusing territory (I always thought that cheating was wrong? But we're told that she's “Saint Liz” and perfect) or at the very least poor-self-image-related medical disorders, particularly if we were eleven (the age I was when I first read this). Still, the fact that it has “Sweet Valley High” mentioned on the spine should be warning enough for anyone.

I open it anyway, as to be honest I quite enjoy it that these secret diaries recap the hijinks of ten books (half of which I have been unable to find to read for myself). Obviously this is my first recap, I joined LiveJournal for this purpose and quite liked the fact that my username contradicts the purpose of joining an online blog. Sadly Elizabeth looks somewhat devious on the cover.


The Intro:

Todd and Liz are at a fancy Italian restaurant (I'm guessing its Italian because the Ghostwriter makes sure to mention the smell of tomato sauce, cappuccino and cannoli). A violinist nearby is playing Santa Lucia (thanks to this recap I bothered to youtube it, now I know what the Italian restaurant song I always hear in cartoons is). Elizabeth is annoyed because Todd is not listening to her and is thinking about something else (I'll pretend I haven't read this particular book before and take a first-time reader guess: punching the violinist?), yet when Todd touches her hand her annoyance at him melts away. He stalls telling her what's on his mind until after dessert (understandably he needs all the energy he can get to try to converse with Liz rather than attempting it on an empty stomach). Although he does tell her its good news. Liz decides that it must be because the anniversary of their first date was coming up next weekend and he'd planned something expensive (hmm if she was a junior for their first date “a year ago” then is it too much to hope that she's a senior now? Or maybe she just keeps getting held back in school.) Liz thinks that it's to Todd's credit that he's had trouble getting used to having money, and she mentions that he's embarrassed living in a mansion and belonging to a country club – thanks to her consistent shaming of him out of her ingrained belief that all rich people belong to an evil stereotype. I marvel at how Saint Liz does such a perfect job of modelling how to be supportive to your boyfriend in a healthy relationship.

In Liz's own words she sums up how I came to dislike her and appreciate Jessica:
I told myself I had to face facts: as much as I try to hide it, [I] am as materialistic as everyone else ... Does that make me a hypocrite? Everyone says I'm selfless and generous and thoughtful. It's Jessica who's supposed to be hung up on superficial things like money and clothes and looks. But maybe I'm no better than she is. Maybe I'm worse, since I pretend to be different. With Jessica, I thought, what you see is what you get.

I'm not going to critique the Ghostwriter's grammar because it's narrated in first person by a sixteen-year-old (even if Liz is meant to be a good writer).

Blah blah perfect size six blond hair blue eyes athletic tanned ... In case we didn't get the hint Liz modestly summarises: I know I'm attractive: I just don't broadcast to the world that I'm devastatingly gorgeous the way Jessica does. blah blah Jessica is the exact opposite.

Todd confesses that a friend is coming up to visit him from Vermont and wants this friend to tag along to their date at Secca Lake. Liz is happy until Todd says that the friend is female. In fact it's Michelle the ex-girlfriend they argued over in the previous Secret Diary because she was writing Todd friendly/flirty letters (I am happy that a one-book character appearance actually gets recycled – Ghostwriter scores one point for continuity). It was not Todd's idea that Michelle is coming to visit but he hopes she and Liz can be friends. Elizabeth says they can be friends when Sweet Valley freezes over (hmm, were there any books involving snow in Sweet Valley? Maybe that's another natural disaster they can all bond over while heartlessly adding continuity errors [zombieOlivia, Jade Wu's personality transplant]). Liz goes psycho a bit longer at him then leaves.

Liz ignores Todd for a couple of days. She imagines him at the airport wearing his new tie (?) to greet Michelle. Liz decides to invite Enid over to bake “a huge batch of our favourite cookies and eat every one” to stop thinking about it. Um, sounds like emotional binge eating but with no physical weight consequences?

I really can't be bothered to write Liz's nasty poem about Michelle, its too pathetic to even acknowledge.

While the girls are making cookies Todd comes over and brings Michelle over. Michelle is tall, thin and has raven hair. I am told she is drop-dead gorgeous but this is Sweet Valley so there's nothing out of the ordinary about that. Liz is annoyed that Todd didn't tell her that Michelle was drop-dead gorgeous but she would have been annoyed if he had so, shrug. Todd thinks Liz could give Michelle a few tips about writing for her school paper.
Michelle: Todd tells me you're a whiz at writing. I'm not very good at it but I'm hoping I can learn fast.
Elizabeth: Don't sell yourself short. I'm sure your writing is really memorable. And I'm sure you're right about being fast.

Enid invites Michelle to sit down. Michelle invites Liz along to a picnic at Secca Late (the one that Elizabeth had originally planned with Todd). Liz says she would rather have her teeth drilled and asks them to leave. Enid is shocked by Liz's behaviour but convinces her that she's overreacting and she should trust Todd. Liz decides to make a double batch so she can bring a dozen cookies over to Todd's place as a peace offering.

Liz rings the doorbell at his house. No one answers. She goes around the back and catches Todd and Michelle kissing. Todd says it isn't what it looks like (I never realised what a dumb thing that is to say). Liz screams at them then runs away. Todd leaves a tell-all message on the Wakefield's answering machine. Jessica says that most of the time Elizabeth's love life is more boring than watching golf on television and I sadly have to agree (why is it that once fictional couples finally get together they become less interesting?). Elizabeth screams at Jess then goes into her room and wishes she was in Tunisia (I have to look these things up, and actually it doesn't seem like that much of a bad place to go to). She decides to read her diary ...


Part One:

OMG, the Wakefields are not gifted at everything! Elizabeth is taking painting and can't even draw stick figures. Plus, as a continuity point, I remember Jessica once painted tee-shirts after passing Dee Dee's shirts off of her own and they were fugly (though possibly no worse than the normal clothes these Sweet Valley kids wear anyway so, shrug). Interesting that they didn't inherit their mother's drawing ability.

Olivia Davidson is in love with their art teacher and it's causing her to forget her work for the Oracle. Elizabeth thinks Olivia is heading for trouble.

Elizabeth and Jeffrey go on a date and discuss the fact that he is taking electronics and Jessica is in his class (and is hating it).
Elizabeth: Next time she should choose a class based on the subject matter – not the male-female ratio!
Jeffrey: Ooh! You get me all excited when you say things like “male-female” ratio.
Elizabeth: It doesn't take much.
The book says he is joking, but I still don't know what to think about Jeffrey. Other than that I guess the classes are another example of Sweet Valley stereotyping. Girls all choose art, boys all choose electronics. I say good on Jessica for giving the class a go even if it was for less-than-noble reasons. Also, it bothers me Liz never nicknames him “Jeff” (but his transformation in Senior Year bothered me more so I won't complain too loudly).

Jessica is successful in electronics (with the help of nerd Randy Mason) and everyone is shocked (What?! A girl succeeding in a male-dominated subject?!) - she put together a lie detector machine. Olivia's art teacher helps her to get the her painting displayed in a gallery, but she also realises his interest in her is purely professional. (I should read this book [SVH #57 Teacher Crush], or at least the recap to compare the art teacher's behaviour to Mr Collins's.) Jessica brings her contraption to a party at the Davidson's house and Liz gets hooked up to the lie detector. Lila announces that Todd is moving back to Sweet Valley and asks if Liz is concerned about his reappearance. Jeffrey is not at this party for some reason, but Liz takes her finger out of the machine and leaves the party. She goes to Jeffrey's house and says out loud that she loves him (Jeffrey is away visiting his grandparents apparently).

At school Jeffrey politely says that he's looking forward to meeting Todd. Elizabeth realises that a part of her still loves Todd. Elizabeth imagines Jeffrey and Todd at the Dairi Burger dueling it out with french fries and imagines having to choose between two guys who are both madly in love with her like Casablanca (dumb dumb dumb). Luckily she comes to her senses and realises that she has no proof Todd still wants to go out with her, especially since he seems to have talked to everyone except her about his move. Elizabeth thinks it would be simpler if Todd decided that they should only be friends so that it won't wreck things with Jeffrey but then starts crying.

Liz finds out that Todd is now rich and is going to attend Lovett Academy instead of SVH.
Elizabeth has a boring dream about Jeffrey who leaves and then Todd who then also leaves her when he sees a rose that Jeffrey gave her previously.
Elizabeth receives a letter from Todd that got lost in the mail and is three weeks late. In the letter Todd says he never stopped caring about her and wants to know where they stand. Elizabeth is overjoyed that Todd still wants her.

Todd comes and visits Liz as the first thing he does when he arrives only now he drives a black BMW instead of his Datsun. Liz thinks to herself that they have nothing in common any more. Apparently Todd makes it clear that he wants to date her again but he'll give her time to think about it. Elizabeth has trouble scheduling time with Todd now that he goes to a different school, hmm, but Todd comes over for a “typical Wakefield dinner” (not enough description to snark at unfortunately). Jess thinks Liz should dump Jeffrey now that Todd is rich. Liz doesn't understand how Todd can like his rich classmates and fit in with them (would she prefer him to be miserable at his new school? I guess, yes because she's also a crappy friend who puts her judgementalism above his best interests). Todd asks Liz out for ice-cream, she declines because of a date with Jeffrey, but he asks if they can do it another time and she agrees. She then feels guilty and runs inside to call Jeffrey who asks her point-blank if he's still her boyfriend. Liz says yes.

Jessica forces Todd and Jeffrey to meet at a party. Liz sizes them up while they're standing side-by-side but they're both as hot as each other so she's still confused as to whom she loves. She also writes a crappy poem about it, and I know I should write it here for you to snark at but its just too painful. All I can say is it starts off by mentioning the sun and the moon. The worst thing about the poem is I don't know which guy is which in the poem, which makes me think that she was just picking opposite concepts for the heck of it that had nothing to do with either guy. (Then again, Todd and Jeffrey don't have much to their characters I guess.)

Todd gives her and Jessica a tour of Lovett Academy where the guys wear jackets and ties, and the girls dress like Lila. Liz and Jess meet Sheffield Eastman who is hot (yeah yeah so is everyone) and nice. Liz feels better about Lovett but then meets Courtney who is also hot and wearing a body-hugging suede dress and ignores Elizabeth while talking to Todd about some reception they attended. Elizabeth is jealous that Courtney went out with Todd but reminds herself that he's not her boyfriend. She thinks Courtney is a superficial snob with more curves than the Pacific Coast Highway. Todd defends himself to Elizabeth by saying that he has obligations to fulfil for his rich family. Elizabeth writes Todd off in her mind because he now belongs to an exclusive social circle.

Jeffrey and Elizabeth rent Casablanca and make out, and Elizabeth accidentally calls him Todd after imagining his hair is brown instead of blond. She doesn't think Jeffrey heard, but I think at that close range he probably did.

Elizabeth “and friend” get a formal invitation to a party at Todd's mansion. She realises this means that Courtney will be his date. Jessica is “an item” with Sheffield Eastman now. Elizabeth realises that she loves Todd more than she loves Jeffrey, but thinks she's ruined things with Todd now so she decides to try to not treat Jeffrey like a consolation prize, and in her eyes Jeffrey tries to act like he didn't win by default. At the party Liz finally realises that until she gets over Todd, she's being unfair to Jeffrey as he doesn't deserve to be her second choice, so she plans to break up with him.

Elizabeth finds a note in her jacket pocket asking her to meet Todd outside in the gazebo. She hurries to the location (it looks like an Impressionist painting which I can imagine 'cause I love impressionist paintings of gardens) and finds Todd and Courtney in a passionate embrace. She thinks Todd has changed 'cause he would have never picked such a hurtful way to tell her he was with Courtney. She runs to her car and drives to her old special romantic spot at Secca Lake and cries. Todd appears and hugs her – apparently Jeffrey told him that he'd seen Courtney put the note in her pocket then drag Todd out to the gazebo and kiss him, and Jeffrey also witnessed Elizabeth's reaction. Todd and Elizabeth get back together, the next day she has the break-up conversation with Jeffrey ... Jeffrey is very hurt but they share a goodbye kiss.

Elizabeth has to leave Oracle meetings early to meet up with Todd after school and Todd has to cut basketball practise. Elizabeth is annoyed that everyone has such low expectations of Jessica that its never a big deal when she acts less than perfect, and they act like she found the cure for acne when she does do something good. (I can actually relate to Elizabeth feeling that when she drops her perfectionism even a little, all of a sudden everyone questions her on it.) Todd misses Sweet Valley High but its important to his family that he go to Lovett. Elizabeth is annoyed that Todd isn't even trying to change his parents minds on the issue. Shef (Jessica's love interest) turns out to be more interested in donating money than spending it and wants to spend time living and working at a homeless shelter, and Jessica's romance with him ends there, however she decides she still wants to transfer to Lovett and actually starts studying for their entrance exam. After getting in trouble with their respective clubs Todd and Elizabeth realise they have to sacrifice spending so much time together, and they start to fight about it. Todd slumped back against the wall as though he'd been punched, and Elizabeth knew she'd gone too far. Perhaps not, maybe it was time he was on the receiving end?

Elizabeth signs up for Battle of the Schools which involves sports, fun races and academic events. Ten schools are competing including Lovett (and Big Mesa, which really didn't need mentioning although the Ghostwriter mentioned it). Jessica refuses to participate because she wants to attend Lovett. Todd and Elizabeth go to a party at the country club which for Elizabeth was as awful as she imagined. Courtney's date is Campbell Rochester IV (what is it with the names for rich people that this Ghostwriter is picking?). Courtney taunts Elizabeth about how well Todd fits in with their crowd and that Liz never will. Elizabeth replies that she doesn't want to fit in with people like Campbell. Courtney says that she'll pay for that comment, and Elizabeth says “like everything else here, it's probably overpriced”. I momentarily like Elizabeth. Courtney threatens Elizabeth to watch her back because the world is a dangerous place. Ben Orson (who?) from SVH is there as a caddie, and Courtney stereotypically pays out Elizabeth for being friendly to the hired help, and Elizabeth notices that Todd acted like he didn't recognise Ben.

Both Elizabeth and Todd get selected for the relay team at their respective schools. They have a fight about how unsupportive Liz is being and break up. During relay practise Jeffrey helps Elizabeth master the rope climb. Afterwards she confesses to him that she and Todd broke up. Jeffrey is being so sympathetic that Elizabeth tries to kiss him. He pushes her away saying that she's too late.

Lovett and SVH are the two finalist schools in the Battle and are neck and neck. Jessica has decided to not cheer for either school. When it comes to the rope climb Courtney has swapped Elizabeth's rope for an old frayed one. When she goes to climb it it breaks and she hurts her arm. Todd stops competing in the race and runs over to her. They decide to have a different tie-breaker event – a tug-of-war. Elizabeth needs to be replaced, and Jessica volunteers. Todd also decides he no longer wants to keep so some random Lovett student takes his place. The tug of war is equally matched until Todd suddenly yells “Go Sweet Valley High!” which magically gives that team strength and they win. Todd decides that because of Lovett's lack of sportsmanship (really it was mostly Courtney) he will ask his parents to transfer back to SVH.

Terri Adams is apparently the statistician for the football team. She's smart, sweet and shy, and has a crush on Ken. But Ken seems to like Amy, even though he is laid-back and down-to-earth and Amy is a boy-crazy airhead (Elizabeth's opinions). Elizabeth thinks that even sensible guys are fooled by long legs and a dazzling smile, which appears to be true in her case.

Ken offers to drive Maria Santelli, Winston and Terri home from a party at Amy's house (during the party Amy kisses Ken and Terri nearly bursts into tears. It's raining and the roads are slick – wow it does rain in Sweet Valley sometimes! Ken drops off Winston and Maria, then Terri invites him inside to wait out the storm as the rain is worse. Ken does not accept her offer, and Elizabeth uselessly laments this later. Ken is in a car crash and his injuries leave him blind! He has to go to a rehab clinic in Hollyfield to learn to live without eyesight and become Heroically Blind Ken. His football career is over.

He returns to school to find out that Amy has dumped him for Scott Trost, his replacement on the football team. But Terri is friendly to him and helps him to appreciate all the things he can still do and keeps him up to date with football news. Ken and Terri become a couple and Ken's sight starts returning. Jeffrey is moping about the halls of SVH and Elizabeth feels sorry for him and thinks that she still loves him.

Sorry about the length but I now have so much more respect for you regular recappers. And I did my best with the LJ cuts - fingers crossed that they work or this entry will be horrible and I'll have to edit it to death. BTW, after looking through all the existing tags I wanted to add two new ones: "zombie olivia" and "heroically blind ken"